Joe Jonas: I Hate You

Suge KnightOh, Joe Jonas — you've got it so tough.

All week long, that bitter, horrible, blond wench Taylor Swift's been dragging your good name through the press, making you look like a two-timing jerk, and that's just not right. I feel bad for you, man. You met Camilla Belle while shooting the video for "Lovebug," and sparks flew. It's not your fault the heart wants what the heart wants — and that gorgeous girl you were dating should be more understanding of that.

I read your MySpace blog, and I get it, man. You just wanted different things — and a different girlfriend — and Swift should just accept that and move on already. I believe you when you say you didn't cheat on Taylor; I'm sure you waited at least a day after the breakup before making time with Camilla. Swift, quite frankly, should thank you for your loyalty, because lesser men wouldn't have waited like you did.

I'm not so sure I believe Swift when she says you ended things over the phone, or that it only took you 27 seconds to let her go. And even if that is true, it's not your fault; you're a busy dude, and breaking up in person — like a man — isn't always possible. It's not like you could afford to travel anywhere in the U.S. at the drop of a hat to do the stand-up thing. Taylor just has to be more considerate of that and take your feelings into consideration before she goes around spewing this venom to Ellen.

Good luck, Joe. I know you're going through a difficult time right now, and it won't be the last time you're forced to deal with a jaded lover. Just hang in there and follow your heart. Have fun with Camilla and don't let this Taylor chick get you down anymore. The most important thing is that your fans know you're "one of the good guys" still, even if you do just love 'em and leave 'em.

Read about Joe Jonas' side of the breakup here.