In theory, it’s a series of videos designed to promote both PR’s upcoming 80’s Babies album and their newest member, a beefy crooner named — you guessed it — 4Play (guess what he’s all about?!?). And while the clips are many things (hilarious, terrifying, jaw-dropping), they’re also educational.
And as proof, I’ve compiled this list, which the powers that be have dubbed “Five Things I Learned From Pretty Ricky’s ’21 Days of 4Play’ Video Series”:
1) Being in Pretty Ricky is tougher than it looks … Not only must you be “in mint condition, physically,” but you should also be “spontaneous and full of vigor,” “a beast in the bedroom,” “very, very intelligent” and “sexual.” It probably wouldn’t hurt to “always have your grown man on” either.
2) … But not as tough as you might think. The group’s newest member, 4Play, is apparently “the number-one singer in the world,” and he can do 20,000 curls in the gym, neither of which seem to hide two rather glaring things: A) He has the charisma of a lint roller (seriously, his biggest contribution to the group seems to be his ability to comb his hair and speak at the same time); and B) As one YouTube commenter puts it: “He can sing — he ugly tho.”
3) Pretty Ricky are committed to their art. The majority of their new album was recorded “butt-ass f—ing nekkid,” because, as group member Diamond Blue explains, “When y’all hear that riff, I want y’all to say, ’I wonder if he was nekkid when he did that?’ And you know what you gonna say then? ’Yeah.’ ” I am not sure whether this is the most amazing or the most homoerotic thing I’ve ever heard, but it’s definitely the least sanitary.
4) Pretty Ricky are intelligent. For example, during an SUV trip, they explain that the difference between the suffixes “-tion” and “-tioning” is that “-tion” is a noun, and “-tioning” is a verb. Or, as Blue puts it: “If we get a nice young lady, or a ’-tion,’ [and] by the end of the night we end up ’-tioning,’ that actually means that we ended up having intercourse, penetration, oral sex, kissing, hugging — whatever you want to call it — that’s ’-tioning.’ ”
5) Pretty Ricky are insane. They live in a mansion that appears to have been decorated by either a South Beach retiree (potted plants, glass coffee tables, black leather furniture, animal-print pillows, inexplicable jungle motif throughout) or the ghost of King Tut (just watch Day 17). They play craps shirtless. They love girls “with one toe, five toes or 10 toes.” They wear matching Versace silks. They say things like, “[For] the first album, Blue Stars, you needed a tissue. Second album, Late Night Special, you needed a rag. This album … you need a towel for all those tears.” There is not a hint of irony in anything they do, not even Diamond Blue’s brand-new ’80’s-themed flat-top-and-dookie-chain look. This is probably because no one in Pretty Ricky can spell the word “irony.”