Kanye Tour Blows Minds With Randy Robot-Lady Spaceship

So last night, amidst much pomp, circumstance, and flashing lights, Kanye West kicked off his big-buzz, even-bigger-budget "Glow in the Dark" tour at the Key Arena in Seattle. And if you weren't one of the 20,000-or-so Emerald City denizens lucky enough to be there, well, don't fret, because those that were in attendance have been kind enough to flood the InterWeb with breathless show reviews, wordy-yet-self-obsessed blog posts, and blurry and bass-heavy YouTube clips.

After the jump, our compilation of reactions to the mega-event. Because the only thing better than going to a concert is reading about a concert. Or something like that.

· In this Seattle Times review, we learn that Kanye "not only took the concert experience to a new level, he took it to a new planet." Said planet apparently includes an elevated platform "which eventually became like a spaceship, moving up, down and sideways, with smoke and flashing lights," plus a giant video screen. Oh, and Rihanna -- who took the stage before Kanye -- was like "a hip-hop supermodel." D-a-a-d, what are you doing writing concert reviews again?!?!

· Rolling Stone posted this report , which makes mention of 'Ye's stage ("made out to look like a spaceship, complete with a giant video backdrop that flashed psychedelic fractal patterns, bursting stars and moonscapes") and the pseudo-concept behind the tour -- Kanye interacting with a spacecraft being piloted by a female version of HAL 9000 named "Jane." Oh, also, apparently after N.E.R.D.'s opening set, Pharrell Williams came back onstage to apologize to the kids for using profanity. Skateboard P is for the children.

· Here's a blog that's posted a YouTube montage of the show, complete with sweet text effects and some of the poorest sound quality you'll likely ever (sorta) hear. Though it does give you a peek at West performing on the massive stage all by his lonesome, which is more than impressive.

· And finally, The Daily Swarm links to a blog review submitted by a reader, which is remarkable primarily for its rather laissez-faire approach to the Caps Lock key and for the following paragraph:

"Biggest question mark/forehead-slapping moment: the set is super narrative -- one song in, a computer robot spaceship named JANE is introduced; Kanye TALKS TO her with sweat-soaked soap opera delivery on several occasions between songs. You wonder how he’s not f---ing laughing during this; it’s clear melodrama. The story: Mr. West is stuck on another planet after his spaceship has crashed, and he’s on a mission to deliver creativity to planet Earth. (Parliament/Funkadelic, anyone?) Actual example:

Kanye: “Jane -- I can’t get off this planet! I’ve been here for so long -- for one year! I GOTS to get me some P---Y! Can you help me?”

Jane the Computer Robot Spaceship (with cold, automated innuendo): “I can help you with that, Mr. West.”

Jane the Computer Robot Spaceship turns into a 3D oscillating naked lady, crowd goes wild, Kanye he launches into 'Golddigger.'"

OK, it's official: We have got to see this show.