‘Glee’ Recap: ‘Tina In The Sky With Diamonds’

by Josh Sorokach

This week, “Glee” presents the Beatles with the greatest gift a television series centered on a glee club can bestow upon a band: by immortalizing them with a musical homage for a second straight week! Other than being knighted, and perhaps the birth of his children, this is probably the highest honor ever presented to Sir Paul McCartney.

Let’s get to the action!

McKinley High:
McKinley High’s prom is approaching, and everyone is eagerly awaiting the nominees for prom king and queen. Mr. Schue crosses his fingers in anticipation—seemingly unaware that he is ineligible since, despite his overwhelming behavior that would suggest the contrary, he is not technically a student.

Prom King Nominees: Blaine, Artie, our old pal Stoner Brett and Mohamed Omar.

Prom Queen Nominees: Kitty, Aimee Ryan, Jordan Stern (Cheerios) and Tina.

After Tina celebrates her nomination with the grace of a malfunctioning bulldozer, she informs Sam that she’s breaking their date to the prom and that this is her chance to be “bigger than Jesus.” I understand this is a veiled Beatles reference, but in Tina’s defense I don’t think Jesus was ever nominated for prom queen. So, reluctantly, I reward Tina a point.

Tina begins to sing “Revolution,” but is abruptly interrupted by the school bell. Her classmates were literally saved by the bell.

Sam, bummed about not being nominated for prom king and seemingly devoid of any scholastic responsibilities, sits in an empty classroom sullenly strumming his guitar when Mr. Schue arrives.

Sam: “You know a lot of people say that the Beatles are the best band ever, right?”

Mr. Schue: “That’s right.”

Good ol’ Mr. Schue never misses an opportunity to teach, does he?

Sam’s luck is about to change, however, as he embarks on a meet-cute with the new “minor league college nurse” Penny Owen. Upon Sue’s orders, Penny is to administer polio/meningitis shots to the glee club. Penny finds Sam’s self-described “radioactive asteroid of a personality” endearing which makes me wonder if finding humorless people adorable is a side effect of polio, and if so, is our new favorite nurse affected?

Probably not because later, while chaperoning the prom, Penny agrees to dance with Sam. Nobody seems to think that this is unusual even though Penny’s employed at McKinley High as an intern/school nurse.

Penny and Sam Ship Level: Confusing

Penny and Polio Ship Level: Neutral…for now.

At the McKinley prom, Jake, Ryder, Marley and Unique sing “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” in the fanciest pajamas I’ve ever seen. You’d think a school so entrenched in musical admiration might hire an actual band for the prom?

The 2013 McKinley High prom king and queen are: Tina and Stoner Brett!

But hold your applause television viewers, because Bree reenacts a scene from “Carrie” by dropping a deluge of red slushie all over Tina while she accepts her crown. But the glee club won’t go out like that. Not now. Now ever. Tina changes into Kitty’s dress, the gang belts out “Hey Jude” and Tina confidentially marches back on the stage to declare:

“I’m Tina Cohen-Chang and I accept your crown. Long live prom!”

Later, Sue promotes Bree to captain of the Cheerios and implores her to disrupt the glee club by any means necessary.

Bree and Sue Ship Level: AWESOME

New York:
Back in New York, Rachel and Santana inexplicably continue to work at the diner they dramatically walked out of last week, so fear not, people worried about the economy!

Even though Rachel didn’t receive the role of Fanny Price last week, at least one former glee club member is finding success in the entertainment industry: Santana! Turns out she booked a commercial for Yeast-I-Stat, and it’s fantastic. I really hope Santana booking odd acting jobs becomes a recurring joke because her facial expressions in the Yeast-I-Stat commercial were pretty amazing.

In new diner employee AND new cast member news, we finally meet domo arigato Demi Lovato’s character, Dani! After Santana casually breaks the ice with the dynamite conversational starter, “I dig your name,” the two travel to Flirttown USA which causes Santana to become nervous and get that “weird panic sweat under her boobs.”

Later, Rachel refuses to fill up the sugar caddies under the guise of “Allowing Santana and Dani to spend quality time together.” Why does Gunther continue to put up with this?

Santana and Dani forgo refilling the sugar caddies and instead decide to sing “Here Comes the Sun” instead. They eventually exit the diner and share their very first kiss as the sugar caddies tragically remain Splenda free.

Santana and Dani Ship Level: Sweaty, but fun!

Eventually the director of “Funny Girl” finds his way back to the diner and orders an entire cake from Rachel. If he’s testing Rachel’s waitressing prowess she most certainly fails. She doesn’t even ask what kind of cake he wants! Chocolate, vanilla, carrot, ice cream, there are so many different types of cakes! But that’s a moot point, because the director’s ordering a celebratory cake because he’s offering Rachel the role of Fanny! Congratulations Rachel! You did it! Wait, hold this and all the phones. Is this the series finale? Is “Glee” over?!

Nope. But this just goes to show you if you work hard, talk about something incessantly and completely disregard even the most fundamental responsibilities of your day job, good things will happen!

Kidding. I actually said “Oh, that’s nice” to an empty apartment and then sang along with the cast as they performed “Let it Be.” I may very well be the worst, or perhaps I finally found my own…glee.

Nope. Definitely the worst.

Odds and Ends:
Quote of the Episode: Sue to Will/Sam: “Hey there, butt-chin, ah Samalina Jolie. I hate to interrupt the blatantly homoerotic overtones about whatever the two of you are on the verge of crying about so I will be brief.”

Best Musical Performance: “Hey Jude”

Episode MVP: Sue Sylvester

Sue’s Nickname of the Week: Nurse Bumble McQuirky Poops

Sue’s Sam Slams of the Week: “That’s right imbecile, homeless, teen drifter,” “Nipples the Strippin’ Clown” and “Horizontal Talking Moose Knuckle” (in reference to Sam’s mouth).

What did you think of this week’s episode, Gleeks? How about Demi’s debut?