If ‘Twilight’ Stars Had The Write Stuff…

After so many years wearing blond wigs and body glitter as the Cullen family patriarch, we totally understand why Peter Facinelli might want to take a break from big-screen endeavors to try his own hand at stardom of the YA literary variety—which he is, along with a couple of author friends and the blessing of Little Brown books. We can expect to see Peter’s first authorial effort, a dystopian tale about a boy named Rose, on shelves in 2015. But why should he get to have all the fun? The time is ripe for all the “Twilight” peeps to give novel-writing a shot! And just in case they’re looking for inspiration, we’ve got some perfect pitches for the saga’s three headliners whenever they’re ready to write.

For Kristen Stewart: a romance!
Everyone loves a roman a clef, and Kristen’s renowned close-mouthedness about her private life will make readers even keener to pick up a book that seems like it might be an autobiography in disguise. Our suggestion: The story of a young actress named Kaitlyn Wartstew, who finds herself cast in a multi-film franchise about sparkly zombies, and ends up embroiled in a high-profile secret love affair on-set with a delicious Brit named Bobbert Schmattinson.

For Robert Pattinson: a drama!
Because it’s important to write what you know, Rob’s first attempt at literary endeavors should be something close to home. We recommend a meditative, experimental, slice-of-life novel in which a young man blessed with good looks and good fortune nevertheless cannot achieve happiness until he figures out how to get his hair to lie flat.

For Taylor Lautner: a fantasy!
Set in a world that’s clearly the stuff of make-believe, Taylor’s debut novel will be the story of a well-muscled young man who saves the world, gets the girl and is rewarded with a lifetime supply of beautiful, beautiful shirts. He lives happily ever after and his pecs are never cold. The end.

Would you read one of these novels?