For Kristen Stewart: a romance!
Everyone loves a roman a clef, and Kristen’s renowned close-mouthedness about her private life will make readers even keener to pick up a book that seems like it might be an autobiography in disguise. Our suggestion: The story of a young actress named Kaitlyn Wartstew, who finds herself cast in a multi-film franchise about sparkly zombies, and ends up embroiled in a high-profile secret love affair on-set with a delicious Brit named Bobbert Schmattinson.
For Robert Pattinson: a drama!
Because it’s important to write what you know, Rob’s first attempt at literary endeavors should be something close to home. We recommend a meditative, experimental, slice-of-life novel in which a young man blessed with good looks and good fortune nevertheless cannot achieve happiness until he figures out how to get his hair to lie flat.
For Taylor Lautner: a fantasy!
Set in a world that’s clearly the stuff of make-believe, Taylor’s debut novel will be the story of a well-muscled young man who saves the world, gets the girl and is rewarded with a lifetime supply of beautiful, beautiful shirts. He lives happily ever after and his pecs are never cold. The end.
Would you read one of these novels?