You know, it’s a really unfortunate thing that there are no yoga classes after 10 p.m. Because after all of the incredibly epic shenanigans that occurred on the season finale of “The Vampire Diaries” I could definitely have used one to calm down. Seriously, I just got too wired. There was screaming at the TV, gasping at the TV, imploring the TV to replay the scenes it just aired (which, considering my lack of DVR, was fairly silly). So, with no stress-relieving outlet, I decided to take pen to paper. And, I don’t mean writing this recap. (Although, as you can see, I’ve done so.) I mean this:
Dear Julie Plec,
Greetings! I hope things are swell. Really, I do. Now, I know that we’ve had our differences—you’ve never answered my vague letters to you on the internet (which is understandable, because you don’t know I exist), and you’ve created some character arcs I wasn’t too fond of but, at the end of the day, I am obsessed with your show and would really like to talk to you about it. I know you’re very important, but I occasionally see you interacting with us common folk on the Twitter, so here’s my handle: @CassieTitle. Get at me, girl! (Seriously, you rock my world.)
Yeah. I’d pretend that never happened (get at me, girl? WHAT WAS I THINKING?), but you can’t erase something once it’s been on the web. FACT, GUYS.
Oh, what was that? You don’t come to this page to read my weird ramblings? You just want to know what happened on “The Vampire Diaries”? Okay. Fine. Here you go.
Rebekah and Matt: Looks like the Original lady is finally getting what she’s wanted for a season or two. Mr. Donovan and Ms. Mikaelson will be traveling together over the summer. There was talk of China and Italy and Paris, but who knows if that’s the real plan, because that all happened while Matt was standing atop what I think was a skateboard. You see, if he had moved, a bomb would have been detonated! Alexander of The Five fame (the elite hunters, not the similarly named ’90s boy band, Five), had set that little trick up to try to get our group to hand over the cure so they could fulfill their destinies and kill Silas and stuff. Well, this all made Rebekah emotional, so she did what she was most afraid of: kiss Matt. It was a really lovely smooch. I really enjoyed watching it, and then she somehow finagled herself into Matt’s place so he could go graduate. The bomb(s?) went off, but Bex is basically indestructible, as you very well know. Now, I’m happy that she finally has a chance with Matt (although he reiterated his no vampire-dating rule, and said “what happens on the road stays on the road”). Something’s going to happen though, because Rebekah’s going to “The Originals”. I swear, if supposedly sweet Matt does one more douchey thing to her, I will be very, very angry.
Supernatural catastrophe: The veil was still down for most of the episode, so our friends got some visits from some very pissed-off people. For a while, they were trying to make Kol happen (which I dig), but his whole attempt at leading the disillusioned dead in revenge just didn’t feel very threatening. Perhaps this was due to the fact that the hunters had some real weapons: bullets laced with werewolf venom. In fact, Vaughn (remember him?) shot Damon! Like, multiple times. It was really scary! He almost died! But of course, good ol’ Klaus came to save the day.
Klaus and Caroline: Man, don’t you guys think this is happening? I think they have the best romance for two people who have never even kissed. (They haven’t, right?) Klaus decided to give Caroline a graduation gift: Tyler’s freedom. So, I’m guessing we’ll see Tyler back in Mystic Falls next year. And why did Klaus do this, you ask? “He’s your fist love. I intend to be your last.” EPIC. I’m seeing Tulane in Caroline’s future…
The cure: Damon offered it to Elena as a graduation gift, but she didn’t take it. The hunters wanted it for Silas, and were going to kill everybody until they got it. But she also had a different idea up her sleeve: She offered it to Stefan. Apparently, the only person worse at being a vampire than Elena is Stefan. And how awesome is that! Formerly self-righteous, too-good-to-be-a-vampire Elena was all: I can handle it. You go, girl! But, he didn’t take it.
Elena chose Damon: At the risk of overusing the word—which, let’s face it, I’ve already done—this was BEYOND EPIC. There were some great speeches about how they’re all wrong for each other but they love each other. And then there was a kiss. And what a kiss it was! What a kiss it was. And I have to admit, as annoyingly self-righteous as Stefan has been, I felt really awful for him.
Stefan’s hipster aspirations: He decided it was time to move on and live life. Maybe he’d go to Australia. Or Portland. I never took Stefan for a hipster, but I do love me some “Portlandia.”
Bonnie put the veil back up: But not before successfully bringing Jeremy back! I’m really excited about this, but I’m also confused. Nature, how are you letting Bonnie continually go against you in saving Jeremy Gilbert? Witches on the other side are going to be, like, real mad at Bonnie.
Elena and Katherine: It was the doppelganger showdown to end all doppelganger showdowns. Now, I know I criticized Elena for blaming all her problems on Katherine last episode, but Katherine’s taking the blame game to a whole new level. She had basically decided that Elena stole her happiness, which is kind of a crazy thing to say, considering she really didn’t. So, a kick-ass fight ensued. And it resulted in a surprising twist: Elena (who actually rocked this episode; there were at least three instances I wrote down, I LOVE ELENA WHOA) was victorious. Homegirl shoved THE CURE down Katherine’s throat! The ultimate irony: The girl searching for immortality became human. Katherine’s a human! LIFE IS CRAZY I CAN’T WAIT TO HANG OUT WITH HER NEXT SEASON. (Through my TV set, of course.)
The mind-blowing ending: Get this, everybody. The Petrovas aren’t the only doppelgangers in town. Turns out, Silas has a doppelganger. Stefan went to bury Silas, but realized his immobilized body wasn’t there. At that moment, Silas appeared as Elena. Once the witch who performed the immobilizing spell died (Bonnie), he was no longer turned to stone. And, apparently, since Silas created the immortality spell, there had to be another loophole to balance nature. He needed a shadow self that could die. And. And. Do you know who that shadow is? STEFAN! STEFAN IS SILAS’S DOPPELGANGER! I’m sorry, but that is THE MOST EPIC THING I’VE EVER SEEN! And then to top off the mindblowingness, Silas trapped Stefan into a safe or a coffin or whatever that locked thing was and pushed him into the water. Is he going to die? Will he be all right? I’m thinking he’ll be okay, but not before some crazy Silas-being-mistaken-for-Stefan hijinks ensue. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
And now I’m imploring all of you to converse with me about the show because if you don’t I’ll just have to write fake letters to Julie Plec and embarrass myself. So humor me, by discussing the following: How crazy was the Stefan as Silas’s doppelganger thing? Are you hoping that this leads to some new information about Tatia and how the Petrova doppelgangers were created (WE STILL DON’T KNOW! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?) What does this mean for Stefan?! Can you believe Jeremy is really back? Are you happy for him that he finally gets what he wants: a dead girlfriend? What’s going to happen with Delena? And Matt and Rebekah’s summer? And college next year? Oh, my. There are far too many questions in my head. I simply cannot wait for them to be answered next season. Here’s to waiting. And tweeting and commenting. Until four or so months from now…