Sorry, Q-tip enthusiasts. Your favorite brand of cotton swabs did not make a repeat appearance in the season two finale of "Girls." But that's not to say the lasting effects of their interloping weren't on full (gaudy) display.
The episode opens with everyone in bed. Not the same bed, of course. Hannah (still pitifully wearing her hospital bracelet) sits under the covers with her laptop, attempting to work on the pages she owes her editor. But, instead, she falls into a Google rabbit hole, researching everything from ruptured ear drums to the age your body starts melting down. Then come the eights. Then a call from editor David.
"What gives with the pages?" he asks. "It's becoming clear to me that you're not really committed to this."
"That is absolutely not true," Hannah replies. "I sustained an injury I didn't want to burden you with."
But if the ear injury really does sideline Hannah, she'll be the burdened one: The publishers already cut her an advance check and could sue for failure to deliver.
"I'm going to write a full book in one day," she tells herself, snuggling deeper under the covers.
Meanwhile, Charlie and Marnie are at his apartment hooking up. Marnie notices his improved technique and can't help but ask how many women he's been with since they broke up. (Way to play it cool, Marnie.) Later at brunch, Marnie mentions being "settled" with Charlie, and once again (as was the case with Booth Jonathan), it looks like she's misjudged the situation. "So you really don't want to date me? Last chance!" she yells, fleeing the restaurant. Charlie's hot on her heels, and Marnie finally tells him what he's been wanting to hear: that she wants to have his little brown babies and watch him die. Of course, it sounded a lot more romantic in the moment. She says she loves him (and not because of the money, obviously), and he concedes.
"I try getting away, but I just keep coming back, and it's because I love," he says. And on that rock-solid foundation, the two begin their relationship anew.
Ray and a sweatshirt-clad Shoshanna are also having sex, albeit with little enthusiasm. Shosh encourages him to finish, but he doesn't want to if she doesn't want to, and the two argue about which one is acting weirder. Finally, Shoshanna tells him his lack of ambition is a real turn-off. Ray contemplates finishing his Ph.D. in Latin studies, but is then convinced by his Cafe Grumpy boss (comedian Colin Quinn) to run the new two-story Grumpy he's opening. "F--- it. Brooklyn Heights is classy," Ray says. "I'm in." Thus, the former manager becomes the Operational Logistics Big Boss Man Guy. Or whatever.
Shoshanna's happy for Ray, but it's not enough. "I can't be surrounded by your negativity while I'm trying to grow into a fully formed human," she explains to her ribbon- and color-hating boyfriend. He asks if there's another man (which, like, there kind of is, I suppose), but he thinks it's that yuppie blond from Charlie's office, so of course Shoshanna denies it. Ray takes his Andy Kaufman cut-out and leaves.
Surprisingly, Natalia was not scared away by Adam's manhandling last week, and the two are at it again—with her stage directing the entire encounter. But it's all not working for Adam, as we later see him smashing his in-construction boat in frustration.
After unsuccessfully trying to weasel the sum of her advance check from her dad so she can feel freer in the creative process, Hannah spirals into full procrastination mode, sitting in her living room spooning Cool Whip. Marnie comes to check on her, and she runs into her room and hides. Marnie doesn't find her, but does stumble onto the only line of Hannah's manuscript: "A friendship between college girls is grander and more dramatic than any romance..."
Hannah emerges after Marnie leaves (did you see her pilfer that candle holder?), and sets about cutting her hair. Because, obviously. But she can't reach the back parts, so she recruits neighbor Laird, misreading his helpfulness as seduction.
"I had feelings for you until I realized how rotten your insides are," he says. "I think it's a pretty dark scene inside your head." The drugs did not dampen his powers of perception.
With her ear ringing and her hair ruined, Hannah dials the only person left after Jessa doesn't answer: Adam. They're FaceTiming, actually. (Adam got an iPhone!) He sees that her OCD has returned, and in the most touching moment of the season, runs to her—literally—shirtless and with FaceTime still active. She refuses to let him in, so he breaks down the door.
"You're here," she says in wonderment.
"Well, I always was here," he replies, sweeping her up in his arms and kissing her.
It's like something out of a romantic comedy. And while it might be a too convenient and clean end to a chaotic and messy season, the "Girls" deserve a little light to illuminate the dark.
What did you think of last night's "Girls" season two finale? Is this it for Marnie and Charlie? Will Hannah and Adam get back together? Did you feel bad for Ray? Tell us everything in the comments and on Twitter!