Hugh Jackman: An Oscar Acceptance Speech Cheat Sheet

It's hard out here for an Academy Award nominee, y'all. The pressure! The stress! The anticipation! And for the select few actors who are up for this year's most important film industry honors, the next 48 hours will bring a breathless countdown to the moment when the envelope opens, the house goes quiet, and the Oscar goes to...well, whomever. And as hard as it is to keep your cool when you lose (and to look poised and pleased all the while, lest your puckered pouty-face become an overnight gossip site sensation), it might be even harder to be the winner—in which case you've got to give the dreaded acceptance speech. Which is why we've helpfully put together a series of posts in which we give likely winners a few pointers on how to thank the Academy, delight their fans and gracefully exit the stage within their allotted 30 seconds of talk-time. And today, we're offering advice to...

Hugh Jackman!

With a stint as the Oscars' host under his belt, the "Les Miserables" leading man can afford to be carefree and confident, in an acceptance speech that gives his devoted fans everything they never knew they wanted. Hugh, here's your plan:

1. Spend several seconds serenading your Oscar statuette with a parody version of the confrontation song from Les Mis. ("Oscaaaaar! At laaaaast! We seee each other plaaaainly!")

2. Thank your wife.

3. Thank your co-stars.

4. Thank the X-Men.

5. Correction: Thank all the X-Men except for Cyclops, because...well, you know.

6. Take your shirt off.

7. No, seriously, take your shirt off.

8. Tear the podium to shreds with your adamantium claws.

9. In a grand finale, sashay across the stage Gangnam Style and then backflip into Neil Patrick Harris' lap, where you will both announce your intended candidacy for the 2016 Presidential election.

Don't forget to tune in for our Oscars red carpet live stream Sunday at 5:30 p.m. ET on

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