First was Eljah. As coked-up Hannah threatened, her roommate received his walking papers after admitting to his short-lived sexual dalliance with Marnie. “I made a mistake trying to re-purpose you,” Hannah told him. “Re-purpose me? I’m not a vintage cardigan!” Elijah huffed. Perhaps not, but he was good for an apartment-full of furniture, as his ex George told Hannah to keep all of the decor he bought for the place.
The furnishings certainly came in handy when Hannah decided to spend her JazzHate earnings on a dinner party for her closest friends…including Charlie, his mustard-making girlfriend Audrey and Marnie. (To be fair, Hannah didn’t think Marnie would actually show after her major betrayal.) And, as we all could have predicted, the fete was an awkward mess, culminating in sex-toy talk, which Audrey somehow co-opted to air her dirty feelings about Marnie, sending Charlie’s ex fleeing to the roof.
Charlie just can’t help himself where Marnie is concerned. He went after her, consoling her and then kissing her…because that’s what ex-boyfriends in new, committed relationships do. When Marnie demurred, revealing that she was seeing Booth Jonathan, Charlie was pissed. “That little Ewok in f—ing capri pants?” he asked. (I’m getting so much pleasure out of all these insults aimed at the artist, by the way.) Charlie stormed off the roof—incredibly immature seeing as he too is dating someone else. What does it matter who Marnie chooses to date?
Meanwhile, back at the party, Hannah was making small talk with Shoshanna and Ray, which accidentally uncovered the fact that Ray didn’t so much have a permanent residence. “Oh my god. Do you live with me?” Shoshanna exclaimed. Yes, Shoshanna. The answer is yes. (Better buy new sheets!)
Onto our final homelessee: It’s Jessa. She and husband Thomas-John met his parents for dinner, and Jessa’s former-heroin-addict, currently-unemployed status didn’t engender her to Mother Thomas-John. (Does that guy have a surname, or what?) The couple returned home, with Thomas-John seething and Marnie retaliating. “I tell my friends you were born a test-tube baby just so you have a little edge,” she spat. And, well, that was that. He asked how much it would take for her to be out, and the two eventually settled on $11,000 (plus the added expense of his humanitarian trophy which ended up in bits at the bottom of the stairwell). Jessa retreated to Hannah’s for moral support, snot-rocketing into her tub. As you do.
But it wasn’t all dire straits in Coupleland. While Shoshanna and Ray sat waiting for their train post-party, she made a startling confession: “I’m falling in love with you.”
“That’s a crazy thing for you to say. It’s way too early for you to say something like that,” Ray admonished, adding, “I love you so f—ing much.”
What did you think of last night’s “Girls”? Were you sad to see Elijah go? Were you surprised Shosh and Ray exchanged “I love yous” so quickly? What’s next for Jessa? Tell us everything in the comments and on Twitter!