‘Vampire Diaries’ Recap: ‘O Come, All Ye Faithful’

by Cassie Title

I can’t believe this was the “Vampire Diaries” mid-season finale, because there were hardly any epic shocks or deaths involving characters fans are truly invested in. Seriously. That death of someone who’s been around since season one? Carol Lockwood. Really sorry, but I don’t care at all. The woman’s only seen at town events anyway, so the only thing important about this is that Tyler’s gonna freak out and become all dark and twisty and have some new revenge development I won’t really care about. That’s all.

Additionally, the episode summary on The CW’s website included this bit: Professor Shane “reveals a piece of ancient history that leaves them all speechless.” Um, really? Everyone was speechless? I’m pretty sure that anyone with half a brain could guess that Shane had been to where Silas was buried, and that Silas was connected to the cure. They went “Lost” on us and didn’t fully explain what the cure was (Silas’s blood? A potion buried with him? I don’t know). But, not only was it the opposite of shocking, I’m almost positive that Shane had even said something like it before. And even if he didn’t, IT IS NOT A BIG REVEAL. IN FACT, IT’S SO HEARTBREAKINGLY OBVIOUS THAT I’M EMBARRASSED FOR EVERYONE ELSE WHO’S PROGRAMMED TO BE LIKE OMG WHAT AN AWESOME EPISODE! So, yeah. Disappointment, especially when the mid-season finales are usually incredibly surprising.

Now that I’ve ranted, let’s get down to work.

As always, Elena is kind of an idiot. She did deliver the best line one minute into the show: “I have to meet Bonnie. She’s teaching Jeremy how not to kill me.” But she also told Damon that she trusted Shane. Um, okay, Elena. I get Bonnie trusting a guy who gives her attention; I’m sorry, girl, but it happened with Ben McKittrick, it happened with Luka, it’s just gonna keep happening and you’re gonna keep falling for it. But Elena? For some reason, I was expecting more from her. (She was, after all, dealing with the whole sired-to-Damon-thing pretty well. If all goes according to logic, her feelings really shouldn’t change, just her actions, so we’ll see if that’s the case.) But, yeah. It is 1,000 percent obvious that Shane—who’s finagled his way into their circle through Bonnie, the witch that everybody needs—is up to no good. I mean, he’s a professor. Devoting an inordinate amount of time to a chick who’s too young to even be his student. Damon got it right: homeboy is Professor Shadypants. Sketch-y. Especially because you all should have put it together by now: When he said that Shane blew up 12 people, a light bulb went on in my head. I mean, I already knew it from last week, but he sacrificed 12 human souls before, and then this week he did it again, except they weren’t human, which is a point they’ll touch on later, I hope. GLARINGLY OBVIOUS that he’s trying to invoke expression. DAMON WHY DIDN’T YOU IMMEDIATELY GET THAT AND SHARE IT WITH ELENA AND EVERYONE? Yeah, you’d have to admit about Charlotte and the 12 you killed, but whatever. I AM SO OVER EVERYONE’S SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS. You’re all vampires, and death happens.

This thought brings me to the one line that made me pleased with Stefan. Totally skipping around, but Tyler and Hayley and the hybrids had a plan to take out Klaus, which was supposed to happen. Many things went wrong, the main one being the fact that they were trying to kill KLAUS. Um, hello Tyler? Doesn’t the original creator thing make it so that you and Elena and Damon and Stefan and Caroline WOULD DIE IF KLAUS DIED? Were we conveniently forgetting about that? Would it change because you were putting his essence in someone else’s body? I guess the latter’s correct—the whole convenient body swapping logic—but I’m slightly confused, because I thought your plan was to really kill him, and then you were all like, “He’ll stay in my body until the hybrids are safe.” Um, yeah? Whatever. So, Tyler offered up his body as the swapping grounds, but then Caroline, who was pissed as all hell at Tyler for that, came up with a better idea: use Rebekah’s daggered body. So they were going to. Until Klaus somehow found out (this part is incredibly murky; I don’t doubt Klaus’ intellectual faculties, but I don’t think Adrian was sired to him, so how did he find out? Compelled him? What caused him alarm? I guess Hayley told him?) and massacred all the hybrids, save for Tyler, of course. As he was doing that, Hayley told Tyler how she didn’t have a witch and sold them all out for her deal to find her birth parents. Pretty unclassy Hayley. Pretty unclassy. Oh, and farewell hybrids. There were 12 of you. We barely knew ye. Except for you, Kim. I’ll miss calling you by your real name (Alyssa Diaz) in recaps.

Oh, but now for the part where I liked Stefan for a half a minute! He and Caroline were talking and thinking, and they didn’t yet know that Klaus had killed everybody instead of getting killed. (Man, those hybrids suck if Klaus could kill all of them in like five minutes. What was their lame-o plan anyway?) Stefan said: We’ve all done horrible things. What makes us better than Klaus? And that’s awesome because it was exactly what I’ve been thinking. And I think Caroline said: I think it’s that we have family we trust. Or maybe Stefan said that. Whatever. It was said, and I was glad that it was acknowledged.

This scene led to a plot point that I found lame. Caroline couldn’t bear the fact that Stefan still trusted Damon at the moment, so she used the trust theme to tell Stefan, without words (not telepathically, guys! Just pressed Stefan and gave him knowing looks) that not only were Damon and Elena together today, but they were kind of together together. Stefan was white with anger, he threw stuff, homeboy was crazy. I guess that’s what happens when your emotionally abused girlfriend (yeah, I’m saying that! His manipulative ways in trying to change her disgusted me) prefers your brother to you.

Oh, and then Damon “broke” the sire bond. I’m saying “broke” because I’m calling shens. Yeah, that was internet speak for BS. (I used to hang out with guys who were really into online forums in high school.) If you paid close attention to Damon’s words, he merely said to Elena that she should leave, it would make him happy, and that he was setting her free. She left, and she said that every fiber of her being was telling her to get into the car, but I don’t think the bond’s broken in the absolute way that would prevent her from feeling for him. For instance, he didn’t tell her to forget about him (did he?) He’s not really leaving her alone (he’ll probably see her next episode.) “Setting you free” means setting you free, which could merely mean that she’s free to love him without her body telling her to, in the sired fashion. It’s a pretty convenient way of breaking the sire bond, if you ask me. But I think we’re all gonna be happy with the results.

Bonnie and Jeremy are probably gonna get together again, because apparently he always likes the girls he dates after he chooses dead people over them, and conveniently forgets that he never really liked who he now chooses as much as he liked the dead people he emotionally or physically cheated on them with. Shane and Bonnie successfully reprogrammed Jeremy (we think) to not kill Elena by attaching his fuzzy feelings to Bonnie and thinking of her when he was near Elena? Unclear, again, but I can see it making sense. Damon’s gonna stay at the Gilbert lake house with Jeremy, to help him kill vampires and grow his hunter’s mark, and I guess attempt to not get killed. Maybe they can be like brothers, because Damon sure misses his (now that he lied to him about Elena, even though he set her free he waited a day so you know Stefan’s gonna be like YOU’RE THE WORST PERSON EVER, which is SO SO lame) and Jeremy was wearing a wife beater and chopping down trees just like Stefan does when he’s frustrated, so now they’re basically the same person. Logic.

Hmm, what else happened? Hayley snapped Caroline’s neck, which was scary and annoying, because I thought she was dead for a sec. So did April Young, who Caroline compelled without realizing she wears a vervain bracelet. So April went to the Lockwood cellar and found Rebekah, and was all emotional, and still wearing her stupid Miss Mystic Falls sash and crown. Because it was the Winter Wonderland festival. Didn’t mention that, because it was so not important. Klaus painted a snowflake for the auction; it was post-post-modern or some snazz. Anyway, April Young may be more stupid than Elena, if that’s possible. I’m sure she’ll be fine because for some reason the producers want to keep her (we don’t need contrast with Elena’s old life! She is not like Elena! Stop giving excuses for her existence!), but girl ain’t brave for going to the Lockwood cellar. Girl straight crazy.

Oh, and Tyler had his hybrids lock up his girlfriend and Stefan at one point. Man, werewolves are ALWAYS LOCKING CAROLINE UP. Am I right?! Oh, and Jeremy said what all of us were thinking when he was in his bizarro hunter’s trance: She’s the reason everyone I’ve ever loved died. WOW, SO SO HARSH. But so, so true. And so, so sad.

And that was the mid-season finale! But peer below, because I’m including things I would’ve included in the recap in the questions. Because they are so important and I want you to converse with me about them so we have things to do between now and January 17!

What does the future hold for Damon and Elena? Is the sire bond really broken? Will she be able to have a relationship with Damon, or will she go back to Stefan, or will she choose herself? When’s Bonnie going to realize that Shane is evil and nuts? Why did Shane have to kill 12 people twice; what went wrong originally? What’s Tyler gonna do now that his mom’s dead? As always, where was Katherine? When are we going to meet Tatia? Rebekah’s back next episode, and the previews say the Originals are back. Will Klaus finally give up his ridiculous motivation of creating hybrids? Also, doesn’t he need therapy? Shouldn’t that be the next great character? Oh, there’s so much more. What is Shane’s deal? Can Matt get a storyline already? Were you surprised that Stefan turning Jeremy into a vampire hunter was due to a deal with Klaus: Klaus gets the sword, Stefan delivers the hunter? (I must’ve missed that, ‘cause I was.)

Tweet about it, comment about it, talk about it. I really want you to! Let’s talk about it. I’m not sure why you’ve been hesitant, but I’m here to say that it’s really fun and exciting and therapeutic and distracting. With all this chatter, the show will be back with new episodes in no time!