And while there’s plenty of speculation about the newest member of the royal family—and whether he or she will be lucky enough to inherit the famous Middleton derriere instead of the infamous ears of the Prince of Wales—we happen to believe that education is the most important matter up for discussion. And not just the usual schooling, either! Because if Hollywood’s depictions of palace life are any indication, this kid is gonna need a very particular set of skills. So, in preparation for that moment when our pals Kate and Wills call us up for child-rearing advice, we’ve put together this easy list of the top five things their progeny ought to master from the outset!
The Bollywood shimmy from “Mirror Mirror”
Every savvy prince or princess knows that the secret to a successful party is to lead everyone present in at least one giant, Eastern-cinema-inspired song and dance number before the guests go home.
Mattress surfing from “The Princess Diaries 2″
Every royal residence is equipped with a super-slick central Fun Slide on which all members of the family are expected to demonstrate expert-level mattress surfing proficiency. (If you can’t pull off Julie Andrews’ stand-up move, you’re out of the palace.)
Animal husbandry (sort of) from “Enchanted”
You may never have to use it, but the ability to coax small animals into service using only the power of song is highly valued by the monarchy.
Matrix-style kung fu, from “Shrek”
Princesses, in particular, run the risk of being kidnapped and spirited away by rogue suitors, who are then inevitably attacked by gangs of forest bandits. Knowing how to defend yourself in super-slow-motion is a must!
A weakness for scruffy bad boys, from “The Princess Bride”
To adequately fulfill your destiny as a young member of the royal family, you should be sure to fall hopelessly and embarrassingly in love with a pirate, a vigilante or a Rodent of Unusual Size at least once before age 17.
What straight-from-the-movies advice would you give to the royal baby?