‘Vampire Diaries’ Recap: ‘The Killer’

by Cassie Title

Dear Sandy,

You’re kind of fierce. You were totally raging last week, and I get it—you needed to let loose. But it’s been almost two weeks, and I’m over it. You make me powerless. Literally. Because of you, I couldn’t watch “The Vampire Diaries” last Thursday night. Which meant I had a one-week hiatus from recapping. Which meant that I was not pleased. So when your cousin Athena or whatever started storming the other day, I’d had enough. Yes, I had two days of electricity after a week without, but I’m back to being powerless today. So I watched “The Vampire Diaries” at a family friend’s house. You will not get the best of me. So there.

Cathryn I. Title

P.S. I hate you.

(I figured my full name would sound more threatening.)

See what lack of “TVD” does to me? I start writing hate mail to hurricanes. You know who else started writing last night? Elena. And Stefan. (Is this real life?) It was the return of the “Dear Diary” crap, and although I know it’s the namesake of the show, all I want to say is: We’re over that. It’s so four seasons ago. It’s lame and useless and I hate it. Please stop.

Other highlights:

-I think I’m going to stop recapping. Seriously, you guys don’t need me. The whole 20-second recap before every show is just 20-second recap perfection.

-April is super awkward, but there’s got to be more up that chick’s sleeve than she’s letting on. She went to the Grill to ask Matt if he had seen Rebekah. Not only is Matt pretending he hates Original Barbie, but how are you supposed to tell someone that, yeah, no big deal, she got in a fight with her brother and he daggered her and left her in a coffin for how many hundreds of years.

-Connor held Jeremy, April, and Matt hostage at the Grill. It was great fun. He was hoping to lure the vampires to the Grill so he could kill ‘em. Which he did. At least, the first part. The second part, obviously, was not done. I don’t care if you’re one of the Brotherhood of the Five (even though you’re not; how does that get passed down?). You’re no Buffy, and you’re no match for more than one Mystic Falls vampire.

-There was a complicated plan of sorts to free the hostages. Stefan schemed with Klaus, who sent one of his sired nut jobs to get Connor out of the Grill with non-lethal force. So, basically, he was just sending one of his “family members” to die. Which happened. Nice.

-What is up with Bonnie’s professor friend? I need to know his story. First off, he’s a professor who went to a frat party, which means RED FLAGS straightaway. When we first met him last week, I thought for a second that he was the same actor playing Alexander, one of The Five that Rebekah fell in love with, but I was wrong. He’s just some professor of witchcraft (um, is that even real?) who has some sort of crazy plan that involves slightly manipulating Connor and Bonnie, separately, of course.

-When Hayley met Caroline. The moment we were all waiting for! Hayley quipped: I don’t do teen drama. Take it up with Ty. Which is hysterical, because girl IS TEEN DRAMA. (“Secret Circle,” anyone?) But I get it. Tyler said that nothing happened with Hayley in Appalachia; he just wants Klaus to think that, because it’s safer than him knowing the truth—that Hayley and Tyler are working to help all hybrids who want to break their sire bond. How ironic, Klaus. The family you’re so desperate for doesn’t even want you. Shock-er. Do we believe Tyler? Yes. We do. But did something happen with Hayley, too? Yes. We think so. We think.

-After Stefan vervained Damon (oh, no he didn’t!), he copped his idea of going in the tunnels to rescue the hostages. He managed to get April and Matt to crawl to safety, but things got messy with Jeremy. After Connor’s booby trap killed the sired hybrid, he was shooting at Stefan and yelling at Stefan and then I started yelling at Elena, who came in to help, because she heard an explosion and needed Stefan to call her back to tell her what was happening. Um, hello? You want him to call you mid-battle? You’re an idiot. But she came in, pretending to still be human. And then, she vamp attacked that Connor, and Jeremy was safe. But Connor was not. Elena killed her first victim, and she was all kinds of emotional. But do you think she’d be more so if she knew that she may have killed her only chance at becoming human again?

-Stefan and Damon’s love wins out: Stefan told Damon about the cure. And Damon said, I’ll help you, but know this: I love her either way. Can you not love her as a vampire? And Stefan was all, I’ll always love her, but she’s not supposed to be like this. Is Damon’s love somehow truer? I mean, Stefan’s love was pretty manipulative, in, like, saying that if you love me, you’ll trust me and not come to the battle (which she did, eventually.) But it’s kind of abusive…

-Connor thought he needed to kill vampires because his tattoo would grow, and he would learn its meaning, and, hence, his life’s purpose. Too bad.

-This whole time, Klaus has been in Italy, digging up Alexander’s grave to find the sword that decodes the tattoo map.

-Will we ever find out the connection between Connor, April, and her dad? He said they had history, and she eventually said that there was something familiar about him.

-Jeremy developed an invisible tattoo of his own. Um, what? He didn’t kill any vampire. Right? Right? WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?

-Elena was still in the dark about Connor being a key to a cure for vampirism. She was also really mad at Stefan and Damon. So she started taking a shower. And then, everything was blood. She was seeing it all over the place; she even saw KILLER spelled out in blood. What is going on?

-That would be the following: In next week’s previews, we learned that there’s a consequence for killing a hunter. So, tons of hallucinations. And then. And then! And then we saw Katherine. HOLY SMOKES I’M SO EXCITED IS SHE REAL IS SHE A HALLUCINATION DO I CARE I’M FREAKING OUT.

What did you think of this action-packed episode? How’s Elena going to be able to handle her guilt in killing Connor? Do you think Stefan and Damon were right to keep the secret of a cure from her? Is Klaus going to find out that Damon knows? When’s Rebekah going to get undaggered? What is April’s connection to Connor? Is creepy professor going to find a new hunter to do his bidding? WHAT IS HIS ANGLE? What is his plan?

Penny for your thoughts. Except, I don’t have a penny to give you. High five? Virtual high five? Virtual high five for your thoughts. And endless adoration. Comment and tweet away, you social media aficionados!