by Melissa Albert
Just three episodes in, and "Glee" is already doling out the makeovers. Rachel gets hotter, Kurt gets more confident, Schue finds a new lease on life and Brittany...well, Brittany still believes Artie’s a robot. Some things never change.
In an effort to make over all of McKinley, Blaine decides to run against Brittany for class president, because his rabid extracurricular addiction isn't enough to fill the Kurt void. (Side note: McKinley has a Superhero Club, Ren Fair Appreciation Society and some kind of...dance battle club, yet the glee kids are the nerdy ones?) Blaine turns in a boringly straightforward performance of Tears for Fears' "Everybody Wants to Rule the World," but at least he does it in a Robin costume.
In New York, Kurt has no time for dance battles: He’s got an interview with Vogue.com! Somewhere between his scaly Godzilla slacks and hideous hippo brooch, he charms Isabelle Klempt (Sarah Jessica Parker), a Vogue web queen and stalled designer who comes off like a declawed, defanged Anna Wintour. Hummel and Kempt are basically besties from the get-go, and he lands the internship!
After mainly sitting out the last two episodes, Mr. Schue is back with a storyline: He’s got glee director’s block. But when a fellow director’s club is defunded, Schue’s inspired: He’s going to apply for a panel to increase government arts funding. Alternatively, he could take Sue’s advice and get into the birthday clowning biz. Or has anyone suggested fake-mustache modeling? Just spitballing here.
Meanwhile, the McKinley presidential campaign is getting ugly, sort of. Brittany starts a birther campaign against Blaine, and then the two of them take unnecessary running mates. Brittany chooses Artie for the robot vote, and Blaine chooses Sam for the “not-gay” vote. Brittany and Sam (or the Blond Dream Machine, as they’re known in our "Glee" fan fiction) pump themselves up singing Hole’s “Celebrity Skin,” Blaine removes his bow tie and Artie channels his inner Dick Cheney. The presidential debate is about to begin!
Artie’s boring speech (issues? goals?) is wiped clean from memory when Sam responds to a question by taking off his shirt. We swear, it makes sense in context! It would make even more sense in the context of dinner on our speedboat.
Then the presidential candidates take the mic. Blaine plays hardball, implying that a vote for Brittany is a vote for lighting people on fire, which we’re pretty sure was stolen verbatim from a recent presidential campaign ad. Brittany responds with a heartfelt speech in which she promises to make school last 365 days a year. Interesting strategy, B.
And the winner of McKinley High class president is...
COMMERCIAL BREAK CLIFFHANGER!!
We vote Sam's abs for McKinley High President! Four more years!
No, wait, Blaine wins. But Kurt’s too busy being a hotshot New Yorker to even take his victory call.
Turns out Kurt’s youthful enthusiasm is just what burnt-out fashionista Isabelle needs. Kurt takes advantage of his new position to invite Rachel—tired of being mocked for her reindeer sweaters by NYADA ballet bitches—to break into the Vogue couture closet in the middle of the night. The Vogue fantasy is stretched a bit thin when Isabelle discovers them mid-break in...and reacts with delight? Somewhere, Anna Wintour just whispered, “Release the hounds.”
Isabelle and and Kurt make over Rachel, using her as their model for a web video set to the tune of “The Way You Look Tonight”/"You’re Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile." As we haven’t seen Sarah Jessica Parker sing since the last time she enticed children to their doom, it definitely made us smile. Later she advises Kurt to stay in the fashion biz instead of reapplying to NYADA next year...and he doesn’t even call Blaine to discuss it.
Rachel’s riding high on her sexy makeover, and Brody’s feeling the new look, perhaps best described as Flashdance Casual. Brody liiiikes her, and she starts sweating him, too, after their steamy duet on Sheryl Crow’s “A Change.” Outside of an unfortunate sequence in which they “sexily” eat ice cream, it’s pretty cute, and she asks him to dinner the next night. You go, Rachel Berry!
Sam and Brittany are getting closer, too (Blond Dream Machine 4ever), but Sam takes a break from flirting to talk down an unhappy Blaine, who’s realizing that, with Kurt’s departure, being president of McKinley High feels like an empty victory.
Last warning, Kurt: Appreciate your amazing boyfriend. Next week’s episode is called “The Break-Up,” and we’re kind of freaking out.
Rachel makes a mess trying to cook for Brody, but at least she looks fly. The two of them finally share a kiss...then immediately hear an ominous knock on the door. Sure hope it’s not Finn, because we’re allergic to TV clichés that have been dialed up to 11.
Aaaand, IT’S FINN! Excuse us while we tend to our hives.
Song of the episode: “Celebrity Skin,” because Sam and Brittany are dancing their way to It Couple status...in our hearts.
What did you think of last night's episode of "Glee"? Are you shipping Sam and Brittany too? Are Kurt and Blaine headed for a break-up? What about Rachel and Finn? Tell us all your thoughts and theories in the comments and on Twitter!