The Wild Fortenberry
For once, “True Blood” appears to have lost a character to something other than supernatural homicide: Hoyt, fresh from his ordeal at the hate group pig farm, has made the sensible choice to leave Bon Temps for the Alaskan wilds. The only thing he needs is a little push in the direction of moving on, courtesy of a nice vampire-issue memory-wipe. Hoyt’s request‒that he be glamoured into forgetting Jess, Jason and all the pain they’ve caused him‒is met with distress by all parties involved, but Jess relents and does it. And it’s really, really sad, particularly when Jason meets Hoyt on his way out of town and sobs at how fully he’s been forgotten by his beloved bro bestie. (Meanwhile, Hoyt landed in Alaska and was immediately mauled to death by the vampires from “30 Days of Night.” Probably.)
Coupin’ on up
Even the most well-planned overthrow can’t go off without a hitch or two, the Authority’s road from peaceable policy to hardcore supremacy is still just an eensy bit rocky. At Fangtasia, the new sheriff’s money-grubbing, no-good ways get him hoodwinked and then staked for his trouble by Tara, who’s as fiercely loyal a vampire-child to Pam as she was a friend to Sookie. (And the award for the best repurposing of a classic film quote goes to Tara, for, “I don’t know nothin’ ’bout birthin’ no babies!”)
Meanwhile, back at headquarters, the cutie-pie geek girl gets staked for her treason‒and Eric looks ready to hold out in favor of a similar fate. But when Nora and Bill take one more blood-of-Lilith-assisted run at converting him to the cause, what he sees is heavy enough to give even the most committed mainstreamer some pause: glowing white-light Godric appears, but has his throat ripped out by the hallucinogenic Lilith as Eric and Nora wail in terror. And Bill? He’s dispassionately watching it all on closed-circuit television, leading to yet another point in the endless is-he-or-isn’t-he-really-a-Sanguinista debate…that we would definitely be having if we hadn’t gotten bored with it three episodes ago.
Anyway, the sight of his maker’s unmaking at the hands of Lilith is enough to bring Eric to the dark side, or so it seems; he appears in the underground boardroom looking almost as meek and chagrined as he did during last season’s amnesia plotline, pledges allegiance to the Authority, and even lets bygones be with Russell over that whole you-killed-my-Viking-family thing. But where Eric’s (and everyone else’s) true loyalties remain at least partly shrouded in mystery, Russell finally lets fly with his endgame: He’s still out for faerie blood and its sun-protective qualities and hopes to kidnap Sookie and breed and/or synthesize her essence for mass production. And when this idea is met with stern disapproval by Salome, we’re treated to one exquisite, spittle-flecked, Russell Edgington mega-freakout‒complete with original accent, in which he schools everyone present for thinking he was on anyone’s side but his own. (Which, let’s be real, was pretty dumb, you guys.)
Russell peaces out, post-haste, but will he take Steve Newlin with him? Or will Steve’s unfortunate adoption of Emma the Baby Werewolf end too badly for him to join Russell in eternal fabulousness? We’ll have to wait and see‒but considering that Luna and Sam have infiltrated Authority headquarters disguised as small white mice, he’s not playing the odds.
A faer deal
Poor Sookie Stackhouse is having it rough: her barely nascent romance with Alcide looks like toast, she’s been barely a footnote for the past few episodes and a surprise visit from a random vampire just ruined her Chinese dinner. But when the re-investigation of her under-bed area turns up a peculiar parchment covered in squiggly things, she and Jason believe they’re on track to learn the truth about their parents’ murder. So, what does it say? Back at the House of the Fae, an old (read: hot, pregnant) faerie translates the ancient writing: Turns out that it’s a contract, written in blood, by which some long-ago Stackhouse promised the firstborn female fae in his family to the mysterious vampire,
Rumpelstiltskin Warlow. And who’s the firstborn female fae? It’s a mystery!
…Just kidding, it’s Sookie. Of course. Which means that with two episodes left in this season, our heroine is owned…and pwned.
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