Well, let’s just get this out of the way: Before anything else happens, the steamy scene between Sookie and Alcide gets only as far as PG-13 territory before the wasted Sook yaks her schnapps all over the shirtless hottie’s shoes. And listen, “True Blood,” if you don’t want to show us Joe Manganiello’s butt this season? FINE. We’ll just go see “Magic Mike,” again, and don’t wait up for us either.
But it’s just as well, because Bill and Eric are in the building—and they need Sookie’s help to un-glamour the unlucky fellow who happened to witness Russell Edgington’s exhumation. The man’s memories (in which the rescued Russell lolls and oozes like a strawberry left too long in a hot car) lead the group to a creepy and conveniently abandoned asylum, where their psychic scavenger hunt uncovers a pile of bodies, a hanging human garden of victims-to-be, and…and…woo-hoo! It’s Russell, at last! Looking slightly the worse for wear, sure, but the drawl is just the same. And as he exhorts his would-be assassins to “give it your best shot,” there’s a sudden commotion in the background, and…well, and that’s all, folks, but we’re guessing that capturing a wild Russell Edgington won’t be quite this easy. And who is the female Authority member that sprang the man from his concrete prison? And is Nora the ultimate double agent? QUESTIONS.
Lookin’ for Some Hoyt Stuff, Baby
Meanwhile, Tara emerges from Fangtasia’s basement in some borrowed duds from Pam. “If I wanted to look like a drag queen, I’d raid Lafayette’s closet,” she deadpans, but shut up Tara, you look like sex on wheels and you know it. And after a serious scolding from her maker about not drinking on the job, so to speak, the brand new vamp takes her place behind the bar. Her first customer? Jessica! Who actually delivers the be-fanged version of an “It gets better” speech and suggests they become vampire BFFs—extra emphasis on the second “F,” ’cause hey, they’ll live forever. And so begins the bonding…except, um, forever is a long time? And, like so many insta-friendships between young ladies, this one lasts only as long as it takes for Tara to sink her teeth into Jessica’s ex-boyfriend.
The Devil Inside
And finally, this episode saw many of our beloved characters battling demons—personal and otherwise. There’s…
Lafayette, who’s wholly freaked out by the continued appearance of the pierced-and-painted brujo cathead every time he looks in the mirror. And his desperate attempts to smoke out the demon only make it worse: next thing we know, the severed head of Jesus is on his bedside table, trying to speak through sewn-shut lips.
Jason, who wakes up naked and paranoid after his eye-opening trip to the faerie bordello. One word from cousin Hadley is all it took for the oh-so-suggestible Stackhouse boy to become convinced that vampires did, indeed, kill his parents—and for a guy who’s been lost and looking for something to fill the emptiness, a nice, juicy vendetta might do the trick just fine.
Terry, whose wartime flashback fills in the blanks as he and Devins sit captive in Eller’s basement bunker. Turns out, Eller’s not the arsonist at all; it’s the fire monster Ifrit, sicked on the Marines by one of the women they massacred in Iraq. Terry’s observation that they’re like fish in a barrel for the vengeful demon is enough to sway Eller to set them free…but not enough to convince the skeptical Devins, who knocks Eller out, ties him to a chair and leaves him to be barbecued.
Sam, who delivers the unhappy news to Luna that their shifter friends are dead, and then promptly gets shot on her lawn by a truck full of…well, what do you call the anti-shifter version of the KKK? Sporting Obama masks instead of white hoods, the gun-toting redneck hate brigade put bullets in both Sam and Luna while little Emma flees the scene on four furry legs.
And Guardian, who mourns for the chancellor he had to kill, and whose final voiceover—”There are traitors among us,” he says—brings home this season’s big theme: with suspicions running wild, trust running low and masked saboteurs on all sides, the peace between humans and supernaturals isn’t going to come easy…or, possibly, at all.
What do you think: Is mainstreaming dead in the water? And who’s the Authority traitor? Leave your thoughts and theories in the comments!