It’s my turn in the (heh) Red Room of Pain today, as Hollywood Crush keeps on with the very important job of picking two favorite actors to serve as flogger and floggee in the hotly anticipated “Fifty Shades of Grey.” And while previous picks might have been done on the basis of sheer sexiness, I’m looking at a pair of talented thespians who promise to bring some serious street cred (like, Academy Award-winning street cred) to this sordid tale of sadomasochistic romance.
I’m making my case for Christian Bale and Anna Kendrick!
Christian as Christian
Apart from the obvious reasons to cast the Dark Knight in this sado-romantic lead (among them: DUH, his name is Christian! He’s, like, 85 percent of the way there already!), Christian Bale has a remarkable history of playing tormented, tortured characters who are oh-so-in-touch with their secret inner darkness, and he takes his work very, very seriously. And whoever plays Christian Grey, he’s gotta sell the darkness, and sell it hard. Without the proper actor in this role, the sadist billionaire’s peculiar motivations won’t seem genuine—and with the wrong one, things could get pretty hokey pretty fast and send the movie tanking. Add in the fact that we already know he can play a stark-naked scene whilst wielding a weapon (hello, “American Psycho”!), and he’s every inch my pick for Christian Grey. And by “every inch,” I mean… well, YOU KNOW.
Anna as Ana
I swear I didn’t set out to pick actors with the same (or same-ish) names as their “Fifty Shades” characters, but hey, look how nicely that worked out! Anna Kendrick has just the right wide-eyed look to play the easily seduced Ana, and we know she can hold her own in subtle roles alongside a larger-than-life male lead, from her Oscar-nominated performance in “Up in the Air” to her surprisingly memorable turn as a high school student in the “Twilight” films. And while I wouldn’t go so far as to say that she could use a good spanking, taking on such a sexually-charged role could be an enjoyable and totally different experience from her usual projects.
Don’t agree with my picks for Christian and Ana? Stay tuned all week as we reveal new pairs each day!