“Fifty Shades of Blue” opens with Selena engrossed in E.L. James’ story when her doorbell rings. When she answers it, we see the back of a guy who seems ruggedly promising—only for him to turn around looking less like Matthew McConaughey working on a ranch and more like the sweaty guy next door mowing his lawn. But in the mindset of “Fifty Shades,” Selena’s cheeks begin to flush (a classic Ana move) as Carl Blue the painter (played by Nick Kroll) stares deep into her eyes.
Watch the video after the jump, and find out how Selena and Carl’s relationship blossoms.
As Carl gets to work fixing up Selena’s home, he introduces her to a whole new world of caulking guns, paint swatches and acrylic sealants. Carl does a host of charming things while she stares at him, including picking his bellybutton lint, snorting and coughing.
For those of you who haven’t read “Fifty Shades” yet, here are a few things to note. Ana always bites her lip causing Christian to get hot and bothered, which Selena parodies hilariously before Carl says, “Watch out, you’ll start bleeding.” Christian is bossy, dominating and orders Ana around much to her dismay (even though sometimes she likes it). Carl tells Selena to “take a picture” because “it’ll last longer,” which she does and then filters with Instagram because this is the 21st century after all. While Christian is as beguiled by Ana as she is by him, Carl finds Selena creepy and her XOXOs don’t do anything for him.
Poor Selena. At least she has Justin Bieber!