MTV News sought out the advice and opinions of relationship expert and San Diego dating coach DeAnna Lorraine on the subject, specifically why long-term engagements are a bad idea and why women should be careful to maintain a separate life from their fiance.
“A lot of men propose just to kinda get the woman off their back. [If] the woman’s been pressuring them, or if they feel like families are pressuring them and they feel like it’s time to propose,” DeAnna explained of what prompts men to propose when they might not be ready to actually get married. “But because they propose, that buys them a whole lot of extra time. ‘So, okay, you got the ring, aren’t you happy now?’ And then they can prolong things. And a lot of women during that period think that once the guy proposes, you’re safe and it’s gonna be smooth sailing from then to the wedding and that a wedding will happen fairly soon. But a lot of things can happen between a couple’s engagement and a wedding.”
DeAnna said that the “normal” amount of time for an engagement is a year to a year-and-a-half, after two-to-three years of dating. She also advises women to foster a life outside of their relationship and not revolve their lives completely around their partners.
“First of all, a woman should not live with a man before she has a ring on her finger. Definitely not, because it kills a man’s motivation to want to live with her, and want to marry her,” she said. “And secondly, if you are on your own, taking some trips, planning girls trips or getting yourself into a hobby, doing things on your own, looking for apartments, or planning your own life, that man sees that and thinks, ‘She’s not trying to revolve her own life around me,’ and it’s very attractive to a man because it’s kind of like this independence that he actually seeks from her.”
So, ladies, let’s leave the five-year engagements to the professionals…on the silver screen.
Will you be seeing “The Five-Year Engagement” this weekend? Sound off in the comments and on Twitter!