No due date has been announced yet, but Anna’s timing couldn’t be better—with season five mostly in the can and not premiering ’til June, she should have plenty of downtime to rest, relax and wait for the arrival of her little one… and, of course, to get back in shape post-birth for “True Blood”’s nudie scenes before filming picks up for season six. But since delays can happen and schedules can change, we thought it would be a good idea to err on the side of caution, and put together a few suggestions for next-season storylines that’ll let the show work around its star’s pregnancy! You’re welcome, HBO. You can put our royalty check in the mail.
Plot No. 1: Preggo Faerie Princess
Did you know that faeries can reproduce asexually? Neither did anyone on “True Blood”…until Sookie wakes up with a bun in the oven. A bun that she made all by herself. A crash course in faerie biology ensues, as Sookie develops raging 3:00 a.m. cravings for pickled lightfruit and begins to grow a second, evil head! Meanwhile, Bon Temps is in an uproar: every male character on the series believes the baby is his, the Authority hatches a nefarious plan to kidnap Sookie and turn her into a one-woman Fae factory, and Lettie Mae and the Reverend Daniels catch wind of the impending birth and begin to worship the growing baby as the second coming of the Messiah. But the biggest twist comes in the season finale…when the newborn baby emerges from the room and immediately shapeshifts into a Feral Wereturkey.
Plot No. 2: Two Men and a Baby
The much-hoped-for threesome between Sookie, Eric and Bill finally happens…and whoops, Sooks winds up pregnant! With the paternity of the baby in doubt, Eric and Bill engage in an ever-escalating battle to claim fatherhood (along with Sookie’s affections), ultimately agreeing to settle their dispute with a fight to the True Death. However, their plans are foiled when Sookie goes into early labor and gives birth to twins—one of whom vaguely resembles Bill, and the other of whom is born with a full head of blonde hair and wearing a hoodie with the sleeves cut off.
Plot No. 3: True Love Mates
After last season’s torment and heartbreak, Sookie finally realizes that true love cannot be denied and reunites with Bill. The pair are finally married, and Sookie wakes up pregnant after a bout of bed-shattering honeymoon sex. But the happy event soon turns dark, when the rapidly-growing fetus begins to consume Sookie from the inside out, culminating in a horrifying delivery-room scene where her vampire husband has to chew the baby out of the…wait. Why does this sound so familiar?
How would you work Anna’s pregnancy into the “True Blood” storyline?