'Vampire Diaries' Recap: 'Dangerous Liasons'

Vampire Diariesby Cassie Title

I’ve got to hand it to Julie Plec and Kevin Williamson: Just when you think they’ve run out of new ideas for town events, they slap you across the face with a full-on ball. Yes, that’s right—a fairy-tale-style ball, complete with gowns, tuxes, waltzing and cocktails. And the hosts of said ball? None other than the Originals, or shall we say, the Mikaelson family, as they’re calling themselves these days. (The homage to Mikael is nice, and I’m guessing they wouldn’t use it if he was still alive, because it would be pretty awkward if your name was Mikael Mikaelson.) But I digress.

Esther decides to throw the party to celebrate her family’s reunion, but we all know she has something else up her sleeve. Which brings us to the plan.

1. Elena receives her formal invitation to the ball, complete with a hand-written note from Esther on the back, saying it’s about time they met. Once at the ball, Elena is only allowed to see Esther in private, meaning no Salvatore escort. This prompts Stefan to knock Damon out, so Elena can be free to talk with Esther. The original witch explains her plan: She can’t kill Klaus unless she binds all of her children together as one, so if one dies, they all die. She loves her children (uh, really?) but she created too much evil when she turned them into vampires, and she must undo the balance of nature. So, she needs blood from the doppelganger (of course) to put in the champagne toast. All of her kids drink it, and they all become linked.

Naturally, I have some problems with the information above. First off, when Elena first meets Esther, Esther says: You must have a million questions for me! And Elena starts off by asking, how are you alive? So, this is a good question, but not good enough! You are the doppelganger! We still don’t know exactly how that happened! This is probably the woman who is responsible for your being! WHY ARE YOU NOT ASKING ABOUT THAT?!

Another problem: Finn, one of the Originals. He is like his mother’s little lackey. It is pretty creepy, to say the least. I get that he agrees with his mother and thinks dying is the right thing to do, which in a way I guess it is, but his relationship with his mother is bordering on Oedipal…

A moment of symmetry! The witch Ayanna preserved Esther’s body with a spell, which is why she’s kicking it today. And the reason only Bonnie and her mother could open the coffin? Ayanna is their ancestor! Pretty cool…

2. Earlier in the episode, Rebekah tries to hurt Elena, and Elijah protects her. They’re back on with their trusting relationship! Elijah suspects that his mother is up to something and asks Elena to tell him about her private conversation with Esther. And Elena promises to tell him! And then she lies to his face! And lets him drink the champagne! And holy smokes did she just sign his death sentence?! His mother does comment on how sad it is because Elijah is just so moral, but what is going to happen?! And how could Elena have done that?!

3. The rumors are true: Klaus fancies Caroline. On her invitation, he writes: "Save me a dance. Fondly, Klaus." How formal of him! And you know what else was formal? Giving her a dress. A really formal one. At the ball, they talk outside with the horses, because naturally Klaus’ mansion includes horses. She tells him that she loves Tyler, and implores him to break the sire bond. And then she calls him out on his daddy issues! It is stupendous, truly. And to apologize, Klaus draws an amazing picture of her and a horse, saying, thanks for your honesty. What an interesting relationship that’s a brewing!

4. Rebekah invites Matt in order for her and Kol to kill him to exact revenge on Elena. Except, she chickens out when Matt starts to act all sweet. Kol retaliates by trying to hurt Matt, and then Damon saves him! Damon legitimately pushes Kol off the balcony and starts beating the crap out of him! Everyone is worried to pieces, because you just don’t go doing that to an Original, even when his mother has warned him not to hurt the locals. Stefan shows he still cares by running out to Damon, and saying: "Are you crazy?" To which Damon retorts: "Maybe a little," and swaggers off. Oh, and all of this happens right after Elena basically tells him she didn’t love him, with the same exact music playing as when Katherine and Elena previously told him the same thing.

5. Since Alaric’s in the hospital, Damon has no one else to drink with. So he finds Rebekah at the Grill. She’s bummed because Matt just rejected her. And then, and then, and then. Well, they get it on! AHH WHAT IS GOING ON?!

6. Stefan and Elena have a moment. She practically forces him to kiss her, and he backs away, explaining that if he lets himself feel again, all that will come is pain. But it’s clear that he still loves her, and she him.

Other things:

1. The great thing about this show was that it had this crazy, unbelievable supernatural element, yet most of the townspeople were in the dark, and everyone acted about their normal lives. How did everything become a “show," where the council is now aware of the Originals and is acting like it’s no big deal that they’re there? I get what Carol’s saying: "I’m the mayor. When the oldest, deadliest family of vampires moves into town, you welcome them". But it’s like the freaking "Twilight Zone" to me!

2. I get that Esther needs to undo the balance of nature, but if she kills the Originals, there are still other vampires. What about that, huh?!

3. How is it possible that Caroline is the only one who acknowledges the ridiculousness of having a ball gown? Elena shows up in a beautiful contraption, and God knows where she found it. Caroline searches her closet so as not to wear Klaus’s gift, but gives up when it becomes apparent that her 2012 self does not own a legit ball gown.

4. On a similar note, how the heck do all of these people know how to waltz? It’s the 21st century, after all I know that Caroline and Elena had training from the Miss Mystic Falls competition, and the Originals and the Salvatores are accounted for, but what about all of those other folks? Come to think of it, who the hell are all those other folks? SO UNREALISTIC THAT YOU HOLD A BALL WITHOUT REALLY KNOWING ANYONE AND INVITE PEOPLE THE DAY OF AND YOUR ENTIRE MANSION IS FILLED.

5. Also, I am convinced that the waltzing happened just to have the most characters interface. There was Caroline and Klaus, Matt and Caroline, Damon and Elena, Elena and Stefan, Rebekah and Damon. I’m sure the list went on. Also a dynamite excuse for Stefan and Damon to be all smoldering to Elena.

6. Oh, and I love how Damon and Stefan weren’t invited yet are still at the ball when Elena arrives, and the three of them walk in arm and arm.

7. Damon and Kol: weird exchange. Do they have a history? Kol rudely tells him he doesn’t look familiar, but I’m not so sure…

What’s going to happen next episode? The previews show the Originals and Elena in the cave where their family history was written. Is there more to the ritual than Esther’s letting on? In the previews, Elijah tries to enlist the Salvatores’ help because it sounds like Elena’s going to die. Are the Originals going to die? Is Elena in danger, yet again? Will Tyler come back soon? Are Rebekah and Damon going to start a Rose and Damon relationship? What about Klaus and Caroline? WHEN ARE WE GOING TO GET A TATIA FLASHBACK EPISODE? Tell me what you think! On Twitter or in the comments below. My, oh my, what a show.