James Franco’s ‘Breaking Dawn’ Review: Why The Fuss All Of A Sudden?

For fans of “The Twilight Saga,” James Franco or both, it should comes as no surprise that the actor is writing movie reviews for The Paris Review and, more specifically, writing a review about the saga’s latest installment, “Breaking Dawn.” After all, the James has been into Stephenie Meyer’s bloodsucking tale for a while now. (See: here and here)

The review hit the streets about a week ago, but it seems to be getting a lot of attention as of late for some reason that we haven’t really pegged down other than the fact that it’s James Franco reviewing “Breaking Dawn.” So, we’re entering the fray as well and taking a closer look at the review to see what all the hubbub is about.

A wearer of many hats, James puts on his critic’s cap to ponder the fourth film in the franchise. In his article (in which he also writes about Alexander Payne’s “The Descendants”), James dedicates quite a bit of ink to the sex lives of the film’s main pair, Bella and Edward, but he also manages to squeeze in some talk about Jacob’s frequently pondered mid-section.

“The protagonists finally marry, having waited until the wise old age of eighteen, and since the book and the film dutifully show them being wed, they are then allowed to f— each others’ brains out,” he writes about the November release. “For a film that claims to be sexually responsible, the ‘Twilight’ movies are awfully dependent on teenage sex to attract viewers. The actors prance about like pieces of meat, their disturbingly developed bodies on full display; Taylor Lautner’s rippling teenage chest is just a little better than the child beauty-pageant stars at the end of ‘Little Miss Sunshine.’”

James also focuses on what happens after Bella and Edward do it, noting that what should be a happy time for the couple is quickly tarnished. “Not that sex leads to anything splendid when it finally does happen: Bella (spoiler alert!) becomes pregnant with a vampire that apparently develops to birth size within weeks, requires her to drink blood, and is eating her from the inside,” he writes. “This terrifying picture of pregnancy culminates with Bella’s rival lovers giving her a C-section, as if they are playing some perverse adolescent game of doctor.”

As he finishes off his review, he finds a way to tie “The Descendants” and “Breaking Dawn” together, noting that both focus on motherhood. “Bella initially fares little better [than the mother in ‘The Descendants’]; despite the boys’ best efforts, she dies in childbirth,” he writes. “But not to worry! She can be saved by being turned into a vampire, a recourse not available to most teen moms. But then again, those ‘Twilight’ creators know how to get their blood—and eat it, too.”

Oh, James, you wordsmith, you.

What do you think of James’ “Breaking Dawn” review? Tell us in the comments and on Twitter!