Santana’s slap heard ’round the world landed her in the principal’s office, as it should have. The whole point of the slap was that it was this really dramatic breaking point for Santana, one with consequences. Wishful thinking. Anyway, the whole issue got swept under the rug by Finn and his lifeless face when he told Figgins that it was a “stage slap.” Naturally, Santana asked why Finn would cover for her instead of letting her miss sectionals, and Finn gave the tried and true “Glee” excuse for doing anything. It was all about a fair fight. Of course it was.
Instead of ratting Santana out, Finn suggested a misguided tribute to women singing about women in order to make her embrace her “awesomeness.” The idea was to bring both New Directions and the Troubletones together, again. Two things here, real quick. The Troubletones didn’t have too much to do with this project. They just kind of sat there and helped out a little with “I Kissed A Girl.” Instead, we got a Blaine and Kurt cover of Pink’s “F—in’ Perfect” that the couple sings when someone steals half of Kurt’s turtleneck. The Troubletones are the better show choir. Show them off more.
The other reason Finn felt so strongly about helping Santana was because she “was his first,” and millions of creep-out chills got sent down millions of spines across America simultaneously. Finn, listen. That’s not the reason you help someone out. Just say she’s a buddy. That’s totally fine. Avoid horrifyingly creepy renditions of “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun,” where you alter your voice to sound like an after-school Eddie Vedder.
Elsewhere in the Glee-verse, Rachel continued to pat herself on the back for dropping out of the class president race so Kurt could win, the single most selfish selfless act to ever occur on any show. Kurt was concerned about his chances for a victory against Brittany, who promised to give away large Pixy Stix, something only the rich houses on Halloween give away.
Kurt suggested stuffing the ballot boxes in order to secure a spot a NYADA, something Rachel ultimately did for him. He technically won the election because of Rachel’s extra ballots, but it was clear that there had been some tampering. Rookie election rigging mistake, Rachel. Kurt eventually ceded to Brittany. Maybe the anti-dodgeball platform wasn’t the way to go, Kurt.
After a small hiatus, we returned to the most divisive plot line of the season, the hot, inappropriate love affair that is Shelby and Puck. Nothing like a baby falling and having a tooth go through her lip to bring two love birds together. Student and teacher got down to business, and I’m not saying Melissa Etheridge had a lot to do with it, but if I did, I wouldn’t be “the only one.” Think about it.
Puck’s steady eye contact with Shelby wasn’t something Quinn took without any suspicion. She questioned Puck, who explained that the song is mostly about babysitting for him, and invited him over to her house to make a baby. That’s right. Quinn was ready for numero two-o, before Puck talked her and her crazy down. She may try to get out of Lima now and head for Toronto, where I hear it’s nice.
One of the night’s biggest surprises came courtesy of Coach Beiste. She made the mistake of expressing out loud how she truly feels about the Ohio State recruiter which is just a request to the television gods, asking to take him away from her. The new campaign commercial that caused Santana so much grief now had Sue concerned for her campaign. She needed to take a luva, and there was no better luva than the recruiter, her regular hook-up. My nightmares were realized when the opening riff from Dolly Parton’s classic “Jolene” began to play, but you know what? Dot Jones hit the notes and didn’t disgrace its legacy.
The hour ended with a return to Santana and her struggles with awesome. Here the show completely neutered every ounce of potential from her storyline. As a show of solidarity and an apparently poor comprehension of song lyrics, the girls performed “I Kissed a Girl” in support of Santana, who—it should be noted—is a lesbian and not just drunk girl who kissed another girl after drinking. There’s a difference. It turned out that Santana’s parents were totally cool with her sexuality, something the show felt it didn’t need to show us, and she planned on telling her abuelita later. Surprise. The elderly Latina didn’t approve of her lesbian granddaughter. Santana was sad, but by the next scene was totally okay. So if you’re a “Glee” character, you don’t have to worry. Your problems will inevitably disappear by the next scene.
Check out Jim Cantiello’s hilarious musical “Glee”-cap below!
Download or Ditch
Every week, we give you the rundown on which songs from the week’s episode should end up on your iPod and which should be forgotten.
“F—in’ Perfect” – Ditch
Blaine’s rapping can only carry a song so far. This was but one of the many forgettable numbers this week.
“I’m the Only One” – Download
Winner of the week, simply because of Mark Salling’s continued under-appreciation.
“Jolene” – Download the Dolly Parton Version
While Dot Jones did an all right job with the song, it worked best because it didn’t stray far from the classic original.
“Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” – BURY
Creepy, painful and possibly one of the worst songs ever on “Glee.”
“Constant Craving” – Ditch
Forgettable compared to last week’s finale.
What did you think about last night’s “Glee”? Did you feel bad for Santana? Do you think Quinn is crazy for wanting another baby? Were you creeped out by Finn too? Tell us everything in the comments and on Twitter!