‘Glee’ Recap: ‘The First Time’

We finally reached the big episode that everyone knew was coming: the second sex episode (remember “Like a Virgin”?!). But for real, this time. And boy, was it huge! So huge, in fact, that every other subplot got pushed to the wayside. Puck kissed Shelby? Who cares?! Quinn wants to steal her baby back? Doesn’t matter! The “Glee” kids are going to do it!

The whole affair was handled with the same charm and toe-the-line touch that “Glee” has become known for, and when the two separate moments finally did arrive at the end of the episode, it felt like the natural end and was quite touching.

But let’s back track for a moment. A lot did happen in this episode.

Artie found his true calling: bossing others around for the school production of “West Side Story,” and this week, he felt it was his professional duty to take control of his friends’ personal lives. Blaine and Rachel might have been the perfect Tony and Maria on paper, but they hadn’t consummated either of their relationships and, according to Artie, couldn’t fully understand their characters. Oh, and he told Beiste that she needed to get her freak on too, for good measure.

And it just so happened that the recruiter from Ohio State football was making his yearly trip to McKinley. Okay, okay, time out. I know this is a “Glee” recap, and things like sports have no earthly business showing their face around here, but this needs to be addressed. Anyone—and I mean anyone—who has even the slightest concept of what college football is had to scoff at the prospect of Finn hoping to catch the eye of a Buckeyes recruiter. Finn’s terrible. I thought that was the idea. Ohio State? The Ohio State? Really? All right, enough nitpicking. Beiste had the hots for the recruiter, and guess what. The recruiter felt the same way. Their not-so unrequited romance totally worked on me, and Beiste ended up with a date.

Coming off her talk with Artie, Rachel approached Finn to get the wheels turning, but Finn was one step ahead of her. He wanted her to come over while his mom and step-dad were out of town. He needed to prove that he knew Rachel well enough (she’s vegan) to prove that they could have sex. Finn even went out of his way to ask Puck for a condom recommendation, which is like asking Damien McGinty for tips on how to subtly act with your eyebrows. The advice ain’t going to be good.

When it came time to do the deed, Rachel let it slip that she thought that sex would make her a better actress, a delusion that is still all-too pervasive in Hollywood. Finn did not appreciate the sentiment and explained that he wasn’t going to do it unless it was for the right reason.

Finn and Rachel weren’t the only ones with the nasty on his mind. While hanging out, Kurt asked Blaine if he was bored and if he wanted to be more adventurous. Blaine reassured Kurt that their decision to wait was the right one, and that no matter what kind of interloper tried to interfere, they are golden.

But things weren’t so great when an interloper did decide to butt in and try to steal Blaine away from Kurt. During a quick trip to revisit The Warblers and a nasally rendition of “Uptown Girl,” Blaine met Sebastian, who had heard of the group’s former leader through the grape vine and wanted to know what all the fuss was about. Sebastian was a little forward with his intentions for Blaine, and that did not please Kurt one bit.

The trio went to Scandals, Lima, Ohio’s saddest and most honest gay bar, for a night of dancing and love triangling. And who was there, but Dave Karofsky! The former bully talked to Kurt about his new school and trying to live his life without fear. The conveniently relevant discussion pushed Kurt to take control and butt the Sebastian out of the way. Things turned ugly, though, when a drunken Blaine tried pushing Kurt into having sex in the back of his car.

But worry not. Opening night fixed everything. We got to see a nice version of “America,” and I was reminded that Rory was actually a character on the show, when he showed up for .2 seconds. Speaking of incredibly short amounts of time, “Glee” fit in a subplot in a space tighter than most parallel parking spots. Mike’s dad showed up at school to tell him that he wasn’t his son anymore because of all the dancing. Did anyone else feel like they should have given this storyline more time? Yeah, me too.

After the show, Kurt found Blaine perfecting his moves on the stage for the next performance. They made up and decided to go to Blaine’s for some privacy.

Around the same time, Rachel showed up to Finn’s house wearing God knows what, and then they had their special moment.

Click play on the clip below to laugh along with Jim Cantiello’s hilarious musical “Glee”-cap!

There you have it, the sex episode. Did it live up to your expectations? Did anyone miss Mr. Schue or Sue? Let us know in the comments below and on Twitter!