‘Pretty Little Liars’ Summer Finale Recap: ‘Over My Dead Body’

Here’s hoping fluorescent orange is the new black, because it looks like the “Pretty Little Liars” could be stuck sporting that very unflattering hue in the form of matching jumpsuits.

Last night’s season finale found the girls (sans Emily) in an interrogation room in the Rosewood police station—clad in some very sad, mud-caked party frocks. And who should come in to question them? Nope, not Officer Garrett. It’s their old friend, Detective Wilden. “Homicide is a capital offense in the state of Pennsylvania, and you girls are going down,” he warned (with a little too much enthusiasm). And that’s when the flashbacks began.

Flashback No. 1: Earlier that day, the liars formed their own search-and-rescue squad, pounding on Dr. Sullivan’s door, to no avail. How they knew where she lived…well, I guess it doesn’t really matter.

Flashback No. 2: Here’s where things got reeeeeeally creeeeeepy. A big box arrived at Spencer’s door (NOT holding Dr. Sullivan’s head, I should add). In it, the girls found a pasted together ransom note declaring they had until 7 p.m. to save her. And the demands, well, they were delivered via talking dolls. (Thanks to “True Blood” and “PLL,” I will never look at my childhood playthings the same way…) Each doll was designated for a different liar, with its own message.

Aria’s doll: “Make Jackie go away.”

Hanna’s doll: “Stop the wedding.”

Spencer’s doll: “Keep Toby safe.”

Emily’s doll: Missing in action.

The girls concluded that Em’s been harassed so much by A that he/she has gotten tired of her. After two seasons, do you girls really not know A at all?

Flashback No. 3: The liars go about their A-instructed sabotage. With evidence that Jackie plagiarized a professional paper she’s having published, Aria confronted her with the duplicate and told her to leave Rosewood pronto.Which totally back fired when Jackie later turned up at the Montgomery’s doorstep, saying she’d squeal about Mr. Fitz’s student-teacher liaison unless Aria quit seeing him.

Spencer decided that the only way to keep Toby safe was to keep him away from her. Otherwise known as dumping him. Crushers, this one was the hardest one for me to stomach. Because Toby is the perfect boyfriend. I have a total case of the sadz now. And to top it off, Spencer let a sympathetic Wren kiss her. WHAT!?! (But, gosh, if he isn’t so darn cute!)

Hanna tried to talk her dad out of his wedding, but that didn’t do the trick, so the girls gussied themselves up for the big affair.

On the way to the church, Emily’s GPS told her to turn right, when the church was clearly within view to the left. It was then that Em noticed for the first time that she had her own creepy doll in the passenger seat. “I’m taking you to her,” it chirped. “Go alone.”

While Emily ventured to some unknown location, the girls gathered at the church, where newly returned Caleb delivered the ultimate smackdown (and potentially best line in the series’ history) to Hanna’s wicked step-sister-to-be. “That is a very pretty dress,” he told her. “But you should know it gives you back fat.” ZING!

As the ceremony began, Hanna was still grasping for a way to derail the nuptials. And then she found one: She pulled fiancee what’s-her-face aside and told her that Tom cheated on her. Now, help me out “PLL” fans. Was that actually true? Did he and Hanna’s mom actually sleep together? Did I miss something? Regardless, she was out of the church faster than you could say “runaway bride.”

But back to Emily, who was led to a barn where Dr. Sullivan was supposedly being kept. Except she wasn’t, and Emily got trapped inside with a running car (can you say carbon monoxide poisoning?). In her altered state, Em dreamed she was with Alison, who told her Emily had always been her favorite and that she knew who A was…but she wasn’t spilling.

Flashback No. 4: When Em awoke (safe and sound and outside the barn), the liars had surrounded her and a mysterious shovel had appeared leaning against the barn..with latitude and longitude directions for the girls! They hunted down the coordinates and began digging, assuming Dr. Sullivan had been buried there, alive. But it was all a set up! The police descended, seizing the incriminating evidence: the shovel was the weapon used in Alison’s murder!

And here’s where my confusion really set in. Jenna showed up at the police station (with some camera wizardry hinting that she’s A), discussing the set up (and Alison’s murder) with Garrett, saying Alison deserved to die like that. Have Alison’s murderers been uncovered?

But my Jenna-as-A theory took a bit of a hit when the camera followed A to a diner (where Dr. Sullivan was waiting, ALIVE!), and the waitress called him/her “pretty eyes.” I mean, it could have been Garrett instead of Jenna, since we know they’re working in tandem, but I just don’t know. Does this finally prove that A and Alison’s murderer are one and the same? You know what? I HAVE NO GOSH DARN IDEA.

What did you think of last night’s “Pretty Little Liars” summer finale? What conclusions did you come to by the end of the episode? Tell us in the comments and on Twitter!