I’m just going to put it out there: It may have been due to the fact that I got home from work at midnight and started watching, or that I never get sick and hate tea and now I can’t stop drinking it because I’m so sick, or that I was experiencing extreme anxiety that in a few weeks time I will have no viewing pleasure for however long “TVD” goes on hiatus, but I spent the entire episode thinking it was the finale, and thus harshly judging it for being the worst. finale. ever.
But, lo and behold! It was not the finale, after all! Thank the lord almighty (I’m feeling religious, because of the biblical reference in the title) that I have about 46 beautiful minutes to look forward to watching next Thursday evening. Everybody with me, now: PHEW.
So, now that that embarrassing confession is out of the way, we can move on to criticizing and adoring last night’s action-packed, shall we say epic, episode.
THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW:
1. This was not the finale. (Just saying.)
2. Jenna’s a vampire. Katherine lured her out of the house, Klaus compelled her to drink his blood, and then he brought her to the quarry, where we found her at the end of last week’s episode. Greta (we’ll get to her in a minute, because man is she creepy) cut herself and waved her aromatic blood in front of Jenna, who couldn’t resist, completing her transformation. And then she died. Yes, you read that right. Jenna’s dead. She went out with a bang, biting Greta and vamp-running to escape, but Klaus killed her, to go through with the…
3. Sacrificial curse-breaking ritual. It happened! Vampire sacrifice? Check. Werewolf sacrifice? Farewell, Jules. Doppelganger blood drunk? Indeed. Klaus is now a vampire-werewolf hybrid. Yes, it is as freaky and weird as it sounds. And Elena is dead.
4. Say what?! Got you there, didn’t I? Well, Elena did die. Klaus drank her blood in, like, four seconds flat. But, you didn’t possibly think that they’d kill off their protagonist, did you? (One can only hope. She is annoying! OK, harsh. She’s growing on me. Although I’d still rather have Katherine take her place and not tell anybody.) Bonnie, Jeremy, and good ol’ John Gilbert found a resuscitation spell that Emily Bennett had worked on. So Bonnie tied Elena’s soul to John’s. And so she awoke! From the dead! As a non-vampire! Pretty, crazy right? All that vampire blood Damon fed her just went, well, I don’t know. And so she’s alive! Minor problem in that spell? The person you tie your soul to will die. And goodbye John.
5. Tyler/Caroline/Matt. Yeah, you guys bore me. But I guess you’re kind of important or something. Matt shot Tyler multiple times, it was pretty lame. You never shoot your best friend, even if he is a werewolf who’s trying to kill you. Get with the program, Matt. Tyler’s still alive, though. He was all wounded and such and Caroline took care of him. Naked care of him. Well, he was half naked. She was clothed. But you get my drift. The love triangle’s back on! Except, Matt’s out. Yeah, they broke up. ’Twas sad: Matt has bills to pay, jobs to work at, school to go to (the craziest reason of all! When was the last time these kiddos went to school? I believe it was two episodes ago? And before that, I think it was a season ago…) No more dealing with the supernatural for him. Which is saddening, because as boring as Matt is, he was all cute with Caroline. But now that Tyler let his hair grow, he’s kind of all cute with Caroline too. And I just spent 176 words wrapping up a plot line that I care NOTHING about.
6. Stefan’s all noble. He offered himself as a trade for Jenna. But Klaus staked him, instead. He’s still alive, though (DUH). Apparently, Klaus has bigger plans for him. Any ideas as to what they are?
7. And, Elijah, not so much. Big twist! Except not. Because Stefan and Elijah had a conversation foreshadowing that Elijah was going to let everyone down. And he did. Elijah was so hell-bent on killing Klaus for revenge. Klaus had killed all of their family members. This makes no sense, so I’ll need some more information, please. Elijah thought Klaus had dumped their bodies in the sea, but Klaus claimed that they’re safe, and if he stayed alive, he could show Elijah where they are. And so Elijah, with a sincere apology, whisked his werewolf-vampire brother out of the scene. Klaus is alive and kicking.
8. Damon’s still got that nasty werewolf bite to deal with. He finally told Stefan about it. And doesn’t want to tell Elena. Which is stupid, because she will clearly find out. And now they have a mission! To find a cure for a wolf bite. Because they found a way to keep Elena alive, so they can do anything if they put their minds to it! Yeah! Yeah…
OTHER FUN THINGS TO THINK ABOUT
-Considering “The Sun Also Rises” is one of my favorite books, I appreciated the allusion. Although I doubt Hemingway would have been pleased with this particular reference, the writers did a nice job of using this image to relate to the cycles of the moon and curse and our characters’ impotence at fighting Klaus’s agenda.
-Nice parallelism. Greta mirrored Emily Bennett when she explained: “She’s in transition.” Was it the same quarry where Emily said something similar to Stefan? Also, Klaus and Elijah totally mirror Damon and Stefan: “Hello, brother.”
-Katherine and Damon rock. Kat: 145 years and no last goodbye? GIVE HER A GOODBYE, DAMON. Do it for me. And my happiness. Show me that you care, Kat!
-Greta was one creepy chick. Were she and Klaus romantic? What was her deal? Why’d you have to go and kill her, Damon? There is so much more I need to learn about Greta.
To tide you over until next week’s FINALE (for real, this time): What did you think of “The Sun Also Rises”? Were you sad to see Jenna, Jules, John and Greta go? When’s Damon’s wolf bite-induced insanity going to manifest itself? Were you surprised about Elijah? How powerful and creepy was Bonnie, throwing Latin spells at Klaus like nobody’s business? And I know we covered this, and I know I’ve called her boring, but how heartbreaking was Jenna’s death? And, finally, does it confuse you that the music used to emphasize pivotal moments is the same tune that was used in “Lost”? (I knew it was the same show!)
Tell me! Anything and everything. Comment to your heart’s content, and then tweet, and then tell all your friends and family and everyone you know to do the same. Because I don’t feel adequate without your approval. Or disapproval. So approve of me! Or disapprove of me! Either way, write, write, write.