‘90210’ Recap: ‘Liars’

by Emily Exton

Considering the romantic grab bag “90210” left us with before the holidays, last night’s episode wasted no time picking up where said West Bevers left off. In fact, forget what the calendar says, Beverly Hills was still in full holiday swing, as its less dramatic denizens continued to dance the night away at Adrianna’s fete, while infidelity, violence and a whole lot of lies raged on elsewhere.

Teddy, last seen (finally) making out with Ian in Bette Davis’ stairwell, decided he’s ready to be open with their relationship, just not open enough so that everyone can see them. Consider this:

Dear Commander Ian,

You wouldn’t mind taking the back stairwell on Operation Hook Up, would you? Meet you at 0900 hours.

Sincerely yours,

Agent Bourne

Annie nursed Liam back to health and then some, but felt her new familial love triangle was a little too close for comfort. “I just slept with my boyfriend’s brother, in my brother’s bed,” (say that five times fast) she explained, which sounds much worse than it actually is. She asked Liam for space, but obviously that’s hard to come by when he’s staying in Casa Wilson.

Wait, Adrianna’s publicist calls her Addy? No, no, no, she’ll always be Aid to me, but regardless! The burgeoning diva was on the verge of a nervous breakdown after Victor revealed the truth about Javier, and the fear that her newly minted pop-stardom would come crashing down quickly became a reality. But the show must go on, so naturally Aid attempted to learn the difference between PTSD and PSTD, while practicing misting (but not bawling), before going on “Wakeup L.A.” with her side of the story. Whether the tears were real or fake, Navid just couldn’t bring himself to carry out what he really wanted to do—break up with her. Poor guy, stuck between a rock and a popstar’s death cover-up. Even though Navid and Silver have mutual feelings for one another, they want to do things right by Aid and keep her from getting hurt, which is both compassionate and smart considering her rocky past and penchant to self-medicate.

When Charlie came a calling, Annie pulled the whole my-cousin-from-Kansas-with-a-mom-in-rehab-is-visiting card to avoid having to show her guilty face. But it turns out cousin Emily does exist, and she’s just dying to know if those salespeople in Beverly Hills really are as snobby as they were in “Pretty Woman.” Emily, who resembles a young Jennie Garth, is even nauseatingly perkier than Annie, yet she imparted some good advice on her confused cousin using the legendary Brangelina-Jennifer Aniston theory. But we’re not in Kansas anymore, and something seems off about Cousin Em. I see how smitten you were with Liam upon first meeting, but don’t you think it’s a little too soon for him to be the background of your phone? Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s what Annie had in mind when she said you could borrow anything you wanted from her “closet.”

Just as we suspected, Mr. Cannon was lurking in the shadows to get revenge on Naomi. The creep just wasn’t about to let the way she destroyed his personal and professional life fly—even though she was the underage rape victim, but, you know, feel free to continue grumbling about not being able to get a job, Mr. C. He whined that this was all Naomi’s fault, she asked for it, which is just the kind of diluted assessment that make twisted people believe behavior like his is acceptable. Save it for the judge. After getting Silver to join in on the fun, he forced the two to record a video apology stating they had previously lied to the police, all while hurling insults Naomi’s way. Sticks and stones, Teach; Naomi is tougher than we all think. Using her feminine wiles, she blinded Creepy Cannon with hairspray, before Silver knocked him out with the nearest vase. Naomi got to release her pent up anger on the shriveled excuse for a man with a few good—albeit intense—punches. Things got weird when she said she wanted to kill Cannon herself (I don’t think orange is your color, Naomi), but lucky for us, she realized he’s not worth as much as the remaining episodes of “90210”’s season are.

Ultimately, new romance in the new year will be put on hold for now. Annie decided Liam really was the one for her, just as the brooding brother wanted to give his own bro, Charlie, a second chance. Ivy again apologized to Dixon, who performed some hot mouth to mouth when Ivy got caught in a surfing accident. Despite wanting to move forward with Ian, Teddy balked when Dixon also confronted him about the stairwell session, brushing the situation aside and begging him to stay quiet, proving that he’s still far from ready to come out to his friends.

What did you think about the return of “90210”? Will Navid actually break up with Adrianna? Will Annie and Charlie stay together? Is there hope for an Ivy and Dixon reunion? (Do we care?) Tell us in the comments and on Twitter!