No need to adjust your television sets, Gleeks. This isn't WE tv's Ultimate Wedding Sunday. Nope, this is, indeed, your favorite Fox musical series. We wouldn't blame you for being confused, though, what with all the proposals and nuptials last night (not that we're complaining).
In a super-cute romantic gesture, Burt Hummel returns to the scene of his and Carole Hudson's first meeting—a McKinley High classroom—to ask for her hand in marriage. Kurt whips himself into a David Tutera-like frenzy, offering to plan the entire affair (thank you, stash of inspirational wedding magazines hidden under the bed!). And as you might guess, Kurt's first duty is to appoint New Directions as the wedding entertainment. Cheap and convenient!
Spurred (and spurned) by the engagement of newscaster ex-boyfriend Rod Remington, Sue joins the dating site eDesperate. Her one and only match? Herself! (Anecdotally, this is totally possible—a gay friend of mine once received himself as a match on a similar site.) Sue's inspired—she begins addressing invitations for her own nuptials...to herself...officiated by herself. She needs to add one more to the guest list, however: her Nazi-hunting mother Doris (played by Carol Burnett) who returns to her daughters now that she's captured the final Nazi.
Kurt continues to be bullied by hulk of a high schooler Karofsky, but—surprise!—an adult finally notices. Unfortunately, Principal Sue can't do anything until the bully gets violent. Rachel calls a meeting of the football
wives girlfriends club, to encourage the ladies to have their BFs confront teammate Karofsky and protect Kurt. Finn, however, refuses to join in for fear he'll lose his cool standing to Sam (who still can't seem to get Quinn to commit). Things get nasty in the locker room, with Artie, Mike Chang and Sam getting pummeled by Karofsky (though, to be fair, Sam got in a few good swings too, leaving Finn ashamed he sat on the sidelines).
Mr. Bullypants finally gets his comeuppance, though, when Burt spies him making fun of Kurt during a dance lesson and pounces on him like a hungry puma on a raw sirloin. Kurt confesses that Karofsky threatened to kill him, and with that, the bully's expelled.
In what has to be the most quickly thrown together wedding ever (seriously, church reservations have to be made months in advance!), Burt and Carole embark on their journey into holy matrimony. New Directions has obviously been checking out the YouTubes (or "The Office") because they pull a Chris Brown/"Forever" sing-and-dance-down-the-aisle number to "Marry You" (the first Bruno Mars number of the night). But that certainly wasn't the most touching moment of this affair—can we talk about Mrs. Hudson-Hummel's vows? "I'm lucky. Most women when they get married, they get one man. I get two. One of you saved my wardrobe, the other just saved me." *Sniff* BUT THERE'S MORE!
At the reception, Finn seems, finally, (and, hopefully, for good) to put aside his macho footballer BS. He hijacks his own toast to his mother to recognize his new union with "brother from another mother" Kurt, dubbing their new alliance "Furt." "From now on, no matter what it costs me, I've got your back," Finn promises. Like mother, like son. Finn then does something we rarely see him do (no, not geometry); he dances to Bruno Mars' "Just the Way You Are"—a number he put together for Kurt. He even dances with Kurt. *Sniff again*
In a very different sort of ceremony, Sue dons a track suit wedding dress to marry herself in front of just a couple witnesses: sister Jean and mother Doris. But when Doris complains about not getting a front-and-center performance number during the wedding, Sue reaches her limit. She declares her mom a bully—and kicks her out of the wedding party.
Hesitant-to-commit Quinn accepts a proposal of her own—Sam's bended knee offer of a promise ring (albeit a few days after the fact, following a little school locker larceny). The two are officially an item. Total towheaded cuteness!
But, sadly, there isn't a happily ever after to this "Glee" fairytale. Karofsky's expulsion is over-turned by the school board, and he's reinstated to McKinley High to terrorize Kurt again. In one of those moments that tip the lovable scale in Sue's favor, Principal Sylvester resigns from her position of power to watch over Kurt in the hallways like his own Adidas-clad guardian angel. That doesn't assuage Kurt's fears though, and he announces to the glee club that he will be transferring to Dalton...effectively becoming their competition at sectionals. While we're happy about the prospect of more scenes between Kurt and Blaine, we're obviously sad Kurt will be competing against New Directions. Is it too much to hope for a last-minute flip flop?
Check out Jim Cantiello's musical "Glee"-cap!
What did you think of last night's episode, Gleeks? Did "Just the Way You Are" bring you to tears? How long do you think Kurt's self-imposed exile to Dalton will last? What songs are you hoping New Directions will sing during next episode's sectionals? Tell us in the comments section and on Twitter. Don't forget to follow Hollywood Crush editor Amy Wilkinson, too!