'90210' Recap: 'They're Playing Her Song'

Crotchless panties, soap suds and child porn, "90210" is getting sexy lately…or gross, depends on what you're into, I guess. But either way, the kids of West Bev have a lot going on.

Annie’s relationship with Liam’s half-brother continues, although every time I see Charlie I’m surprised he’s still on the show. She starts hanging out with him and his college theater friends (including his ex), a real cerebral crowd who judge the validity and prestige of Carnegie Mellon based on its 15213 zip. Of course, Annie’s misguided interest in a Pittsburgh performing arts program, paired with her insecurity around the witty ex-gf can lead to only one thing: sex. Sex-pert Naomi, who is magically healed from her traumatic rape experience, jumps at the opportunity to help Annie with all things underpinning and edible. (She also convinces the girls to be friends with Ivy, which was nice.)

The first free moment Annie has, she heads for the bathroom to strip her clothes off (someone needs to tell her Charlie should be doing that) only to emerge in black lace in front of the crowd of the aforementioned friends. Annie’s smart though, she knows the only way to get over her embarrassing scenario is to bring up something more painful in Charlie’s life: his mysterious scar. In a one man, one act show, Charlie recites the monologue of a troubled youth, abandoned by his father, left to make do with an alcoholic, abusive uncle and the subsequent beatings with his belt. Annie is moved, sex can wait, Charlie’s dramatic soliloquies are hotter than their naked bods.

Ryan and Annie’s mom are not waiting for anything, though. With Jen gone, Mrs. Wilson’s babysitting services and home-cooking are enough to prompt Ryan to make a move. In the midst of a flirty dish-washing session, the teacher hoists his baby mama’s soapy former assistant onto the sink and goes for it. Not going to lie—it was hotter than anything the kids have gotten into.

While the adults are having sex, the kids are dealing with "issues." Navid’s father finds out his son tattled to his college counselor that Dad was tapping the high school’s halls for fresh-faced porn stars. Navid attempts to apologize, but his dad won’t hear it and he eventually flees for Iran, leaving his wife and kids to fend for themselves. Despite the indictments and the general unraveling of N’s life, it was nice to know he could still drop a good Batali reference when needed. (Full disclosure: Mozza happens to be a major fave among the MTV News crowd, so I would be remiss in letting that line go by—am I right Vanessa?)

Adrianna was so busy pretending to be a pop star in restaurants, talking to Spin magazine (which I thought was defunct?) and getting excited over sharing her "likes and dislikes," that she continued to ignore Navid and his family problems and pushed him into Silver’s very understanding arms. Seriously though, he should just dump her over that song. It’s the worst song ever. Ever.

And then there’s Teddy, carrying this season with one of the most real storylines teen TV has seen in awhile. He continued with his very tentative exploration and very gradual acceptance of his sexuality by going to a gay bar. When he finds himself without his wallet and eight scotches to pay for, he realizes there is only one person he can call: Ian. Ian pays his tab and drives him home and Teddy reveals he wasn’t kicked out of boarding school for being a playboy. He fell for his roommate and wanted his feelings to go away. Ian remains an understanding, yet firm voice. He tells Teddy that the way he feels isn’t ever going to go away.

Next week is a rerun in honor of Thanksgiving, but it will be interesting to see what happens when the kids return.

Was Ryan and Mrs. Wilson's hook-up hot or just plain icky? When is Navid going to dump Adrianna? And is Annie ever going to get some self-confidence?


VMAs 2017