We knew we could expect great things from director Zack Snyder after he brought us the explosive ass-kickery of "Watchmen" and put Gerard Butler's delicious, trembling manthighs on such fine cinematic display in "300"—so when we first heard that he was directing a quintet of crush-worthy girl warriors in the upcoming "Sucker Punch," we were more than a little excited. And now that the film's full-length trailer has hit the internet...
Well, we're gonna need a change of pants.
The movie features beautiful Emily Browning, wearing silver-blond pigtails and the biggest pair of fake eyelashes you've ever seen, as a young woman who's been assaulted, attacked and packed off to a mental hospital in the aftermath of her parents' death. Of course, this isn't your average loony bin. The whole place is populated exclusively by pretty young things—including fellow stars Jena Malone, Vanessa Hudgens, Jamie Chung—whose treatment regimen seems to include not only hard, floor-scrubbing labor, but also regular dance rehearsals at which they perfect their pole-dancing technique. (Some kind of progressive therapy, perhaps?) The trailer shows the asylum residents, lounging around their barracks-style bedroom wearing thigh-high fishnets and lingerie, dreaming of escape from their hell.
This is where things get crazy. Carla Gugino shows up, Emily's character suddenly enters a grayscale dreamworld and a guru with a gravelly voice tells her that she and her friends can win their freedom by finding five objects hidden in this imaginary mindscape. Hey, fun! It's like a scavenger hunt! Except with knives, and murders! Because of course, there is an army of enemy robots dressed like samurai. There is a post-apocalyptic landscape punctuated by fiery, flying balls of exploding shrapnel. There is a two-story-tall beast made of what looks like movable concrete with giant horns and a jetpack flamethrower. And of course, there's Emily, charging through fire and slicing apart armies of metal soldiers, dressed in an outfit that can best be described as naughty-schoolgirl-meets-nautical-ninja.
In short, this looks like it's gonna be awesome—so awesome that when you go to see it, you should probably bring extra pants.
How excited are you for "Sucker Punch"?!