'90210' Recap: Episode 49, 'The Bachelors'

I almost didn't watch last night's "90210." My power went out, then the DVR didn’t record and when does The CW actually post their full episodes online!? By this morning it was iTunes to the rescue, but do people really have the patience to regularly download 42-minute shows? I could not get used to that. Anyway, after all that, I was rewarded with just under an hour of homophobic hate crimes, sexual harassment, money problems, rape and HIV. I’m officially depressed. And it cost me $2.99.

In honor of her mother, Silver organized a pretty swanky breast cancer benefit. The boys volunteered to be auctioned off and even learned a choreographed dance. Teddy’s secret one-night stand, Ian, was on hand to teach them to "swivel their hips." Teddy doesn’t like to swivel his hips and lashed out at Ian using a very unsavory pejorative. The "90210" producers couldn’t have predicted this week would be devoted to Tyler Clementi and a call to action against bullying, but given the surrounding events of the week, there was a new layer of meaning watching Teddy verbally, and later physically, assault Ian on a show millions of teens watch each week.

Ivy decided she was ready to smash Dixon (please note: all sex-related vocabulary will be taken from the "Jersey Shore" dictionary, there’s just no better way to say it), and she was really mature about it. She and Laurel had a calm conversation about why Ivy wanted to sleep with Dix, if she was ready and the importance of girls having condoms too. It was shockingly nice. And I think Dixon and Ivy’s first time would’ve been nice too (I’m totally Team Ivy, the show should totally be all about her and her cool surfer chick ways…), but, of course, Dixon’s crazy ex Sasha had to show up and ruin everything. After stalking him all week, Dixon finally agreed to hear what Sasha has to say. I assumed there really was a baby—annoying, but it happens. Boy was I wrong. Sasha came to drop the bomb that her ex-boyfriend was HIV positive and she is too. Seriously?

But Annie went on a date and had Liam vying for her attention (with no shirt on *sigh*), so that should’ve been fun, right? Weird half-brother Charlie explained that Liam hated him because he stuck the blame for credit card fraud on him one summer in Minnesota when they were kids. This is not the kind of sibling rivalry I had with my sister… Anyway, feuding half-brothers weren’t the only thing on Annie’s plate. Her mom was having money problems, given she is a single parent without a college degree, and Annie realizes she is sitting on a golden, errr, egg. She calls her boss and agrees to sell her eggs for twenty grand. Hope that pays the mortgage.

Adrianna is stuck with a horrible, sleazebag manager that is blackmailing her for using Javier’s song. I’m so over Adrianna’s repeated bad decisions. She deserves creepy Victor in her life.

And finally, all the girls now know about how Cannon raped Naomi. Looks like next week he gets taken down. And after all that, my favorite part of the show may have been Dixon and Ivy’s trip to the Kogi truck. That food is good and it makes you happy!

What did you think of last night's "90210"?