For years we thought we only had room in our hearts for one Britney Spears. How wrong we were. After last night's epic "Glee" episode (called "Britney/Brittany"), we are officially just as obsessed with Brittany S. Pierce (played by the comedic gem that is Heather Morris.) In fact, Brittany's, er, musings were so good they're getting their own list at the end of this recap.
Before we get to Brittany's greatest hits, let's get down to the episode at hand. With the exception of one song (more on Lea Michele's touching, but somewhat out-of-place, Paramore cover later) it was, as promised, a Britney extravaganza. It all stemmed from a very down-on-his-luck Mr. Schuester suggesting glee club give easy listening a go. You've got to be in a pretty dark place if you think teens want anything to do with Christopher Cross or Michael Bolton, and poor Mr. Schue was there. From the return of his scary ex-wife Terri to watching the woman he really loves, Emma, move on with a sexy dentist named Carl (good to finally have you, John Stamos!) Will is resistant to let loose, Britney-style.
But the kids of New Directions aren't, especially with the help of some anesthesia. During various visits to Dr. Carl, Britney Spears herself and her timeless songs manifest in some of our favorite character's gassed-up state. First up, Brittany, who, despite having a startling amount of cavities (68!), had one of the best sequences in "Glee" history. While singing Ms. Spears' sexy "I'm A Slave 4 U," Brittany channeled the looks from the "Slave" video, as well as "Oops...I Did It Again!" and "Toxic." After realizing her immense talent (seriously, who knew?!), Brittany goes back for a little more with Santana (who stepped in Madonna's shoes) for a joint unconscious re-enactment of "Me Against The Music".
Meanwhile, Artie, determined to get stronger to win back Tina (whose "Asian fusion" with Mike is only growing by the day), goes under the gas, and alongside the football team, sings Britney's "Stronger." The sentiment of the song worked as Coach Beiste not only let Artie join the football team, but she let Finn back on as well!
It would be great news for Finn (who was once again getting slack from the jocks) if Rachel wasn't being a demanding wet blanket. Not only does she want to be Finn's only source of happiness, she doesn't trust him enough to be happy for his return to the team. Not only that, he has to deal with his fellow classmates drooling over Rachel after she goes through her own Britney transformation (thanks to her own dead-on homage to the iconic "...Baby One More Time" video. Did anyone else have major "TRL" flashbacks?!)
Rachel manages to win Finn (and us) back with her teary rendition of Paramore's "The Only Exception." Then again, this was our only gripe with this nearly perfect episode. Not to say we didn't really like Lea's version of this song, but why not finish it with another Brit song? "Everytime" would have been totally apropos here, don't you think?
Nevertheless, this episode was brilliant. From the inspired, acoustic "Toxic" (this was, by far, the best Britney cover of the night, as it took on its own fresh sound all while honoring the original) to Sue's fear of Britney-caused sex riots and Will's choice of wardrobe ("You wear more vests than the cast of 'Blossom'!") it was just the right amount of music, comedy, drama and Britney cameos. Now, as promised, the best lines from Brittany Susan Pierce:
"He discovered America?!"—In response to Mr. Schuester asking the glee club if they know who Christopher Cross is
"I hope you'll all respect that I want glee club to remain a place where I, Britney S. Pierce, can't escape the torment of Britney Spears"—After revealing her full name to New Directions
"I don’t brush my teeth. I rinse my mouth out with soda after I eat. I was pretty sure Dr. Pepper was a dentist."—On oral hygiene
"This room looks like the one in that spaceship where I got probed."—Talking about the dentist office
"I petted a snake."—After waking up from her Britney "Slave" dream
"Are you a cat?"—Her question for Dr. Carl while coming out of the anesthesia haze
"I'm more talented than all of you. I see that now. It's Britney, bitch."—Her revelation about her talent after her Brit fantasy
"It looks like a Jewish cloud."—While touching/admiring Jacob’s hair
What did you think of the "Britney/Brittany" episode, Gleeks? Which Britney number was your favorite? Is Will ever going to be able to win Emma back? How about Artie with Tina? Has Coach Beiste warmed your heart, too? Let us know!