Anyone that watches a smidgen of the teen television out there can tell you, the SAT episode is always an important one, and "Pretty Little Liars" didn't disappoint. Rosewood Day's brightest attempted to take their college board tests while a storm swirled around them, the police force continued their locker search and kids from public school showed up to shatter the illusion that they were only put on this earth to serve sidecars and clean pools. It was a difficult head space to be in on the morning of such an important exam.
The episode centered around Emily's relationship with Allison, flashing back to a kiss the two shared (that Allison totally leaned into) and another moment, when Allison flaunted her naked body and freaked when Em, rather sweetly, kissed her shoulder. Em's (understandably) angry letter to Ali mysteriously resurfaced in the pages of "Great Expectations" in the school library. To add insult to injury, Emily's bag and letter were stolen …errr … found …um …confiscated by Detective Wilden. BTW, Wilden is officially the worst detective and the worst human being. Ever. He used muddy shoes — on a stormy, wet, muddy day — as evidence of vandalism. He continued to comb a high school for clues on a murder that happened more than a year ago and not at the school. And after going through a 17-year-old girl's belongings, he decided to out her as a lesbian in front of all her friends.
Enter Spencer's mom. Despite the fact that Mrs. Hastings referred to the defense of her daughter and her friends as pro bono work, it was extremely satisfying to see Wilden called out for his utter incompetence as a law enforcement official. She unfortunately undermined herself later by revealing to Spence that she had a secret surgery one morning last year to have a lump removed from her breast. Apparently the surgical advancements in Rosewood far surpass that of the rest of the country, because Mrs. Hastings was able to undergo surgery — without telling her husband — and still be out in time for an early morning cocktail at the club. I admit, there is nothing like a strong cognac on the heels of anesthesia and the start of a prescription painkiller run — walking through a trellis and spilling your secrets to a ball boy might be the only things you remember, but they won’t be the only things you do. Trust me.
Mrs. Hastings wasn't the only parent to make an appearance last night. Byron was hopping around the neighborhood playing up his poor-me-I’m-a-single-parent-I-don’t-know-how-to-send-a-fax-or-eat-Moroccan-food-card and Hanna’s mom, back from exchanging all the food Hanna bought for a couple cases of Chardonnay, was on hand to listen. Ella spilled her marital problems and worries about Aria to Ezra — yes, Mr. Fitz was back! He drove back from New York City just in time to proctor the SAT exam (a job much more important than teaching) — and just in time to hear Aria sing (featuring Noel Kahn on accoustic guitar available this week on iTunes).
Aria managed to get a few minutes alone with Ezra to ask him where he'd been and remind him that he got a haircut for her. (They're very close to Amish country, so that is a big deal.) Fitz thought a week bouncing between Lace’s Gentlemen’s Club and Shake Shack would exorcise him of his teenage lust demons, but I have a feeling we haven't seen the last of this Lolita love affair. Hanna finally stuck up for Lucas after Mona told him to go to Oz and ask the wizard for penis. Zing! But wait, Lucas has the same muddy sneakers as Emily — and she's a lesbian — maybe there is something to this hermie rumor. Kidding. Mona's humor seems to be rubbing off on me!
So Lucas destroyed the memorial, Emily was shoved out of the closet and no one took the SATs … just another day Rosewood. Can't wait for next week's mid-season finale!
What did you think of the episode? Did Allison seem like she wanted Emily to kiss her? Was Spencer's mom the spitting image of Mariska Hargitay? Finally, could Lucas possibly be "A"?