Taylor Lautner Talks Fan Riots On ‘Tonight Show’ & Ashley Greene Recalls Broken Bones On ‘Letterman’

“Twilight” fans should thank the Summit gods for hiring faithful adapter Melissa Rosenberg to pen all four (five?) “Twilight Saga” scripts, because if “Tonight Show” host Conan O’Brien ever got his hands on them, Edward and Jacob’s duel for Bella would end very differently than Stephenie Meyer intended.

In honor of “New Moon” star Taylor Lautner’s visit, Conan resurrected his sullen vampire assistant Cody Devereaux, whom you may remember from Kristen Stewart’s appearance last week. In the gag, Cody declares that he cannot — wait for it — share Conan with his other assistant, Wolf Boy. “I can’t share you Mr. O’Brien. It hurts too much. You have to chose one of us,” he implored. How to solve the vampire-host-wolf triangle? Why, bring out Jerry Springer, of course. And in case you missed it, Jerry revealed his true vampire nature, melting in the sun moments later. If only Bella, Edward and Jacob had gone on a daytime talk show their problems could have been solved in like book two. Anyway, on to what you really came here for: What did Taylor have to say?!?

First off, Conan deserves a little credit for not asking the same questions we’ve heard over and over again throughout the stars’ publicity tour. It’s clear he and his staff did their research, and while he did bring up some familiar topics (i.e. weight gain, crazy fans), it felt like mostly new — or slightly-less-chewed-on — material. We laughed last week at Taylor’s encounter with an overzealous Twilight Mom sporting some questionable undies, but last night we learned about Taylor’s most dangerous fan encounter of all in Brazil.

“We were told before we went that our Brazilian fans might be a little more enthusiastic than normal,” Taylor began. “One day Kristen and I were doing interviews on the second floor of our hotel, and all of a sudden our security guards rush in the room and they lock the doors all around us and we’re just like, ’What’s happening?’ They come up to us — they’re very, very calm — and they’re like, ’All right. So 2,000 girls just rushed the hotel lobby. They got past hotel security. Somehow they know you’re up in this room and they’re on their way up now.’ That is the only time I’ve actually felt in danger,” Taylor admitted with a laugh. “Apparently there were FlexiCuffs on the doors, and all the 2,000 were outside the doors shaking the doors and the locks started to pop, pop.”

“It’s like a zombie movie, only it’s beautiful girls,” Conan observed.

Obviously Taylor lived to tell the tale, but along the way he’s developed a theory about the varying levels of “Twilight” fandom. For our purposes we’ll call it “Taylor’s Hierarchy of Fans.” According to the 17-year-old, the mild level is composed of screamers. The next level up are criers while the tip-top of the pyramid are the fainters. “You don’t have to worry too much about them,” Taylor grinned.

To close the interview, Taylor performed his own stupid pet trick, impressively catching a grape in his mouth lobbed from about 30-feet-away by Conan (press play on the video below to see it!). Apparently Taylor and Kristen played this game on set to pass the time. What’s that saying about old dogs and new tricks again?

Costar Ashley Greene, on the other hand, will probably admit she isn’t coordinated enough to pull off such a stunt seeing as she was quite the klutz as a kid. Channeling Annie Hall in a red pin-striped suit and black striped button-down, Ashley also hit the late-night circuit last night, sitting down with David Letterman to discuss “New Moon” and her very accident-prone childhood.

In addition to breaking her arm twice, teenage Ashley also managed to fracture her femur without much effort on her part. “I was just an innocent bystander standing on the side of a trampoline, and my brother’s friend decided to knee me and it just snapped,” she recalled. To make matters worse, neither the friend, her mother nor the paramedic at the scene believed her when she said it was broken. What a painful I told you so.

For a look back at the rest of the “New Moon” cast’s talk show appearances throughout the month, check out Hollywood Crush’s Twilight Watch.

Did you catch any of the “New Moon” stars last night, Crushers? What did you think of Taylor and Ashley’s appearances?