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#TBT To Wednesday Addams' Thanksgiving Tirade

Remember when she put Thanksgiving in its place?

If you haven't watched "Addams Family Values" in a while, it might be worth a quick afternoon stream today (Nov. 26) as a tongue-in-cheek celebration of Thanksgiving -- but only if you've got a deviant sense of humor and a healthy appreciation for the wrongness of the whole praising of pilgrims party concept -- because it contains a pretty memorable moment in the Turkey Day movie milieu.

Yep, we're talking about the scene where Wednesday Addams (Christina Ricci) plays the "What If" game and shows us the fiery version of what would happen if the Native Americans didn't snack on maize and meat with the colonialists whose descendants would eventually take over the continent.

Mayhem ensued, of course.

  • See, Wednesday was just as surprised as anyone else when she was chosen to represent Chippewa Falls in their salute to the first Thanksgiving because WHY.
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    They basically asked for it. Gary and Becky were so confident in their cheer conditioning chambers -- where she and Pugsley had been forced to watch Disney movies on loop until she was "cured" of her incessant misery -- that they put themselves to the test by casting Wednesday as Pocahontas in their show. Opposite Amanda the resident cheerleader, whose only real redeeming factor was her awesome name, WINK.

  • Not only that, but they plucked Pugsley to play the Thanksgiving turkey which would've been kinda cruel if he hadn't been so perfect for the job.
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    The chorus to their song included the lyrics, "Eat us 'cause we're good and dead." So ... yeah.

  • The pilgrim princess then proceeded to drone on and on about the disadvantages of the "savages."
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    "We must not be surprised at any of their strange customs. After all, they have not had our advantages such as fine schools, libraries full of books, shampoo..." All that was said in service of us hating her even more than we already did, JIC we might have any shred of sympathy for her with what's coming.

  • That's when our Chipper-wa Falls maiden joined the fray with her fiancé Running Bear aka "Mr. Woo Woo."
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    At first, she was all prim and grin and offered up her brother the turkey for the holiday feast. This had 'em totally fooled. "Why you are as civilized as we -- except we wear shoes and have last names. Welcome to our table."

  • But that's when sh-t started to fall apart and Wednesday decided to literally flip the script.
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    She started out by pressing pause on the whole sit-down dinner concept because NO.

  • Then she absolutely schooled the faux pilgrim posse about the gloomy reality of this dinner display.
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    Wednesday straightened out the record, saying, "Years from now, my people will be forced to live in mobile homes, on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans and drink high balls. We will sell our bracelets by the roadside. You will play golf and enjoy hors d'oeuvres."

  • Instead of going along with the charade, she decided to pull the plug on this play and have a little fun of her own.
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    "The gods of my tribe have spoken; they say do not trust the pilgrims."

  • That's when things got pretty out of hand.
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    With the help of all the non-pilgrims in the cast and a few matches, Wednesday and Pugsley absolutely destroyed the place.

  • They exacted some twisted revenge on the camp counselors and their prized pilgrim.
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    DARK (read: excellent) stuff here, guys.