We Don’t Know How To Feel About Jared Leto’s New Mustache

Hair today, gone tomorrow.
Photo: @jaredleto Instagram

Jared Leto posed a very complex and thought-provoking question on Instagram today: “How ya like my #stash”? The query accompanied a selfie showing off the latest in his facial hair game—a long, ombré (yes, ombré) handlebar mustache. Would you expect anything less from the man with the most perfect two-tone hair in the world? On one hand, Jared’s piercing baby blues ensure he’ll ALWAYS look pretty damn good. But on the other hand, this new patchy ’stache errs on the side of creepy. So, to answer his original question: AHHH WE DON’T KNOW!

Let’s sort through our issues together. First of all, why are his mustache hairs so long? And more important, are they silky smooth like the hair on his head, or coarse like the facial hair of mortal men? I’m going to assume the former, because Jared Leto isn’t like most other boys. And I think the dip-dyed ombré effect is making the hairs appear longer than they actually are, so that makes me feel a little bit better.

Next concern: Is this shave a sign of haircuts to come? We’ve grown quite fond of Jared’s long, flowing locks over the years. Even Jordan Catalano always kept his hair below his ears. At this point, I don’t think the world could handle Jared with a buzz cut. In fact, we have to move on before I start to cry.

So tell us, how do you feel about Jared’s interesting new mustache? Share your thoughts so we can work through this trying time together.

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