Get it while it’s hot!
Picking out the perfect card for your Valentine can be a daunting task. Do you go for one that sings? Should you settle on sentimental or funny? If you go for funny, is the one you picked out, like, FUNNY-funny or is it funny-ha-ha? Meaning will they laugh out loud or feign a courtesy chuckle? So many questions! Only one real answer: get him/her/them a pizza Valentine. No, not a pizza in the shape of a heart, but one of these pizza-themed Valentine’s Day cards that we rounded up for the occasion. We guarantee you’ll knock this one out of the park. As long as they love pizza. (But, I mean, if they don’t love pizza, you should probably consider that a red flag.)
IDK about you, but my favorite greeting cards are the ones that inspire a classic rock sing-a-long (and trust me, they’re few and far between, my friends). Double-dog-dare your significant other to try and NOT and belt out their best Janis Joplin when they open up this card, and then make them pay you in kisses when they lose. Or money. Money’s good, too.
Remember how you felt when you shoved your way to the front row of that Phish concert at Madison Square Garden on New Year’s Eve? Well, this is probably what your face looked like to your friends: like an ooey, gooey, fresh-out-the-oven, steaming slice of pizza (aka pure happiness). This card is perfect for telling someone that when you’re with them, you’re always having the BEST TIME EVER.
You feel the same way, right?
Some people are into polygamy. You are not, when it comes to people. But if we’re talking about the number of pizza corners you need in your
life slice, then three’s the magic number. Snag this card to assure your guy or gal that you’re definitely the monogamous type. Unless there’s pizza involved.
That Katy Perry song was probably not about pizza because it’s a widely accepted fact that it’s almost equally delicious hot or cold. You know this. Your Valentine knows this. We’re pretty sure Katy Perry knows this. This card is perfect for telling your
pizza person that you love them uncondi-TION-ally.
For now, at least.
Do NOT give this card to the person you’ve been dating for two weeks, because telling someone that you love them more than pizza is basically a step away from proposing. But if you think you’re ready to take your relationship to the next level, this is the probably the best way to do it.
Well? Is it?
This card is ideal for the following: people with tattoos, people who like food puns, people who like pizza, or people who like all of the above. Of course, people who don’t like any of those things will probably like it, too (because it’s the thought that counts, right?)—but do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t like puns?
And I’m not even mad about it.
Usually, I’d be pretty mad about someone stealing from me. Like, more mad than Taylor Swift was before she put her foot down and decided that she and that guy were never, ever, ever, getting back together (you thought I was gonna make a DIFFERENT Taylor Swift reference, but I didn’t *evil grin*). But this card tells your special someone that even though they took a pizza your heart without asking, you’re willing to forgive them.
That’s saying something.
I’ve met a lot of pizza in my day. A LOT of pizza, I tell you. Pizza from Manhattan, pizza from Brooklyn. Big slices, cafeteria squares, Margarita and meat-lovers. You name it, I’ve tried it. When you finally find the perfect slice, though… There’s really no way to explain it. You just KNOW. If you’ve found a person that gives you that same, inexplicable feeling, then this card will say what you can’t.
He’ll never leave me.
You don’t need to be in a relationship with a human to celebrate Valentine’s Day. All you need is love. And a big box of pizza has more than enough to go around. This would be a great card to go ahead and send to yourself now, so that when February 14 rolls around, you’ll actually feel bad for all the couples out there. Because they have to share their pizza.
+ THAT TIME WE TOOK PIZZA TO NEW YORK FASHION WEEK