Express your feelings through Whitney, Drake, Mariah, Kanye, Walt, and Jesse.
Photo: Etsy/Urban Outfitters
With Valentine’s Day still over a week away, you might not have considered what to get for your BF/GF/frand/dog/cat/unrequited crush. There are plenty of options out there (chocolate, teddy bear, jewelry, etc.), but what you actually give doesn’t matter, as long as it’s accompanied by a cool card. Sure, you could buy the same Disney Princess valentines you gave out to everyone in your class in fifth grade, OR you could step your game up. We’ve searched high and low on this vast internet for cards that don’t suck. Check ’em out below—you still have time to order!
Express your feelings through Kanye West.
WARNING: This card is only appropriate for, like, your longterm BF/GF and/or your mom. Telling someone you love them like Kanye West loves Kanye is a lotta love, and not everyone can handle it. The man has a lot of love for his own genius, so don’t give this card out to the guy who makes your coffee every morning. You may love him for one to two minutes per day, but that love does not come close to approaching Kanye’s level of self-love.
Express your feelings through Walt and Jesse.
This Breaking Bad card hits all the notes a good card should: a rhyme and a
reference to meth cheesy pickup line. While Walt and Jesse will live forever in our memories, this card is hitting peak relevance this year. This may be your last V-Day to use it (though it may be on sale next year…), so seize the opportunity while you still can.
Express your feelings through Mariah Carey.
If you’re anything like me, this Mariah Carey card verbalizes how you feel after a long Valentine’s Day of opening hundreds of cards from secret admirers. It’s like, “Enough already! I’m flattered but I can’t!” This card is perfect for someone you want to stop looking at your LinkedIn profile so frequently. You could also give it to your significant other, but, like, you probably don’t want him or her to stop being obsessed with you. You could, I suppose, do it ironically. Maybe that would be funny?
Express your feelings through Drake.
This Drake card is categorized as “unromantic” on Etsy, but I’m not convinced it’s unromantic so much as it’s brave about the YOLO mentality. Have a crush? Send him this card and he will immediately break up with his current squeeze and run into your arms (results not guaranteed). This card will also provide solace to any friend of yours who needs a little V-Day pick-me-up. You could also mail it to yourself as a reminder to ~do your best~. SO MANY OPTIONS!
Express your feelings through Whitney Houston.
Photo: Urban Outfitters
Finally, this Whitney Houston card is perfect for basically anyone on planet Earth. Neon? Check. Phonetic spelling of the lyrics to a great, yet nearly impossible to sing, song? Check. ’80s style? Check. What else could you want in a card? I honestly can’t think of a single thing—this card has it all.