Pitbull’s excited. Tamar is, too!
Photo: Getty Images
Today it was announced that Pitbull will be joining the very rare air of musicians who have their own fragrances. Celebrities like Justin Bieber, Britney Spears, Taylor Swift, Christina Aguilera, Jennifer Lopez, Mariah Carey, One Direction, Katy Perry, Nicki Minaj, Beyonce, and, oddly, Shania Twain. And they almost all smell like gummi bears. I’m not kidding. It’s a fact. Look it up. (See? I was right!)
Because there’s the type of musicians who sells concert tickets, downloads, and t-shirts, and then there’s the kind of musicians who sells concert tickets, downloads, t-shirts, and perfume, and the ones who sell perfume usually never have to work another day in their life. (Case in point: Britney Spears has put out more perfumes than she has albums, and she’s made 10 BILLION dollars from her perfume business alone.)
Pitbull’s fragrance is called, quite simply, “Pitbull,” which means there’s less for you to remember. The highest price point is $55 for the EDT, so I’d call that “medium-fancy.” There’s both a men’s fragrance (which smells like bergamot, mandarin, cardamom, violet, verbena, vetiver, plus tonka bean—crucial—and amber), so you can smell like Pit himself, and a women’s fragrance (juicy raspberries, apples, nectarine, creamy woods and vanilla), so you can smell like
a musky Edible Arrangement the type of woman who’d be appealing to a man who smells like Pitbull.
I know you want me!
Photo: Getty Images
Now I shamelessly love Pitbull. I love that he loves life, he loves rapping in a suit like it’s the mid ’90s, love how he’s like “No hair? Don’t care,” and, above all else, I love that he so obviously f***ing LOVES being Pitbull. He’s the best at it. I can’t wait to hear him name drop his fragrance in his own rhymes while I’m on the treadmill, attempting to achieve the type of unattainable “ass like a donkey” that Pitbull himself so enjoys. Hopefully it’ll inspire dudes to man up and put on a suit once in a while instead of those baggy, drawstring basketball shorts that look like they’re made out of a laundry bag and should never be worn in public unless there’s a fire and you had to flee your house for safety. But I have some additional ideas that I think could help further Pitbull’s olfactory pursuit of his fragrance empire.
Other Names Pitbull Could’ve Called His Fragrance:
La Noche De Gafas Del Sol
Eau d’ 1, 2, 3, 4, Uno, Dos, Tres, Quattro
Face Down, Booty Juice
I Know You Want Me: A Scents Of Desire
And, of course,
What Pitbull’s Fragrance REALLY Probably Smells Like:
Patron and Spandex
Shutting down da club
La Gasolina FOR HER
What Pitbull’s Fragrance Probably Makes You FEEL Like:
Strangely appealing sexual growling
What Type Of Person Will Buy Pitbull’s Fragrance:
Me, obviously. DALE.