New York 2013: Yup, looks about right. Robert Pattinson, Dior and the Chrysler Building are all still here.
FINALLY! Well, sort of. This summer, Dior has made an art out of the science of stretching things out. Every time the French fashion house released another still from their hotly-anticipated Dior Homme fragrance campaign with Robert Pattinson, it felt like our days got a little longer and our hearts sank a little deeper. WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?! (Other than serving as a constant reminder that R. Patz is definitely still the sparkliest of all former vampires.) IS HE EVER GOING TO TAKE HIS SHIRT OFF?! (Because we need to re-confirm the sparkle, natch.)
Now, in a minute-long sneak peek for Germany's TUSH magazine (the ads themselves will be exclusive to Europe), we're getting some answers. Well, sort of. The View-Master-styled teaser video basically goes like this (with a few swift pulls of the plastic lever to break up small, still scenes):
1. New York 2013: That's where it's all happening.
2. Background traffic sounds: Someone is ViewMaster-ing this reel on a busy sidewalk. Don't they know you ALWAYS have to keep moving on New York sidewalks? #RUDE. I now expect aggravated shuffling around and vulgar obscenities from passersby.
3. Seen it.
4. Seen it.
5. Robert Pattinson: He's still involved, he's still hot and we are definitely spelling his name correctly.
6. ZOMG. NEW PHOTO, NEW PHO—wait, is that the same photo as … No, there's a giant flying dragon kite or something in the corner.
7. Nan Goldin: Someone who is not R. Patz, but also the photographer.
8. NEW PHOTO, NEW PHOTO
9. Dior Homme: In case we forgot who paid for all this.
10. NEW PHOTO
11. TUSH Online: In case we forgot who saw this first.
Is anyone clear how any of this relates to a fragrance? What do you think Robert Pattinson smells like?
+WATCH ROBERT PATTINSON'S NEW TEASER VIDEO FOR DIOR