New! Adidas Amber Light Up Hidden Heel
UNNAMED SHOE STORE: DAY
Numerous wedge sneakers line the shelves, looking nice, looking fresh. Nike’s there. Reebok is too. Vans. Even Puma! Higher-end brands congregate in a separate display area, eating foie gras. But in this United Nations of sneakers, something’s missing. The lack of one nation does not go unrecognized—but today, things are about to change.
CUSTOMER: Yeah, hi. Do you have the new Adidas wedge sneaker?
REEBOK WEDGE (to other sneakers): Shh. Listen. Did you hear that?
VANS WEDGE: Nah, bro. What’d she say?
REEBOK WEDGE: She asked for an Adidas wedge.
NIKE WEDGE: No. Impossible. There’s no room.
REEBOK WEDGE: Shh. Just listen.
SALES CLERK: I think you’re a little early for that. Those don’t drop until July. And actually, I think the technical term for them is “hidden heels.”
CUSTOMER: Whatever they’re called, I want them.
NIKE WEDGE: Ooh, la la. “Hidden heel,” huh? Think you’re better than us?
PUMA WEDGE: Yeah, huh? Think you’re better than us?
NIKE WEDGE: Shut up, Puma. I just said that.
VANS WEDGE: Chill out, guys. We can all be friends.
SALES CLERK: You’re talking about the brand new “Amber Light Up” hidden heels, right?
CUSTOMER: That sounds about right.
SALES CLERK: Yeah, they’ll be out in July. But you know, I think we just got a display shoe in the back, if you want to at least see it.
CUSTOMER: Wow, really? You got a pair this early?
SALES CLERK: Sure, this is a fake story. Anything can happen.
REEBOK WEDGE: Well, this is just silly. We won’t stand for this.
PUMA WEDGE: I feel threatened by this development.
NIKE WEDGE: No talking, Puma.
SALES CLERK: Here you go. The brand new, soon-to-be-released Adidas Amber Light Up hidden heel.
CUSTOMER: Hot dang! Shoe game boost up!
REEBOK WEDGE: Yeah, I’m gonna have to cop a pair of those.
NIKE WEDGE: Yup. Those are dope.
PUMA WEDGE: We won’t stand for this!
REEBOK WEDGE: *slaps forehead* I’m gonna have to send a memo to the clerk about shelf placement. I wanna sit beside Adidas.
The Adidas Hidden Heel collection launches in July. Thoughts?