This is Mother Monster swag you need to get your paws on.
Photo: Etsy/Society6/reira57’s eBay store
You guyyyyyys! It’s Lady Gaga’s BIRTHDAY today! We imagine Gagaloo is taking it easy this year, resting up and cuddling with Fozzi, noshing on unicorn-shaped sheet cake, but with a day this big (HELLOOOO, this is the anniversary of Gaga being BORN [this way] after all), someone has to celebrate in her honor. Since she already has a custom Ken Borochov 24-Karat gold wheelchair, that sets the gifting bar a little high for our taste, so instead, we’re honoring Mother Monster on her special day by swaddling ourselves (don’t worry about the logic here, it’s circular) in the illest Gaga Stan Swag available.
Real talk, though. It wasn’t hard to find unreal Lady Gaga merch. Like…not at all. You’ve GOT to give it up for the Little Monsters because MAN, this fan army is handy with a needle and thread. And painting trompe l’oeil meat fabric. And taming leatherette into silhouettes that would make Jac Langheim proud. The REAL hard work was paring all that down into a curated collection that would fit into a 576 x 440 pixel rectangle. With tears in our eyes, we were forced to ditch a LOT of reallyreallyreally awesome stuff, but the above selection is the crème de la crème.
Not everyone can pull off gravity-defying Noritaka Tatehana platforms, but Converse high-tops HAND-PAINTED with Gaga’s visage? Sign us up! We’ve known about this amazing Yazbukey brooch for years, but what better day to bring it out than Mother Monster’s day of birth? Plus, it’ll look great paired with these steak earrings, obviously referencing her infamous meat dress. Swag out your abode with a Gaga throw pillow—rendered in Lichtenstein-y pop art in honor of her forthcoming ARTPOP album. Or take a little Gagaloo everywhere you go with her paws up on this tote bag. You can channel The Fame with these crystal barnacled sunglasses (P.S. the crystals glow in the dark!!) or quench your thirst for a “Telephone” sequel with this BRIGHT pink iPhone case.
More than likely, you’ve already engineered an entire walk-in closet of Gaga swag (you Little Monsters are CRAFTY). In which case, we’d like pictures. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOTHER MONSTER!