Would You Wear Hair Spikes?

Topshop sells hair spikes.
Photo: Courtesy of Topshop

As a species, we put a lot of weird stuff in our hair. Sprays and oils and chemicals. Braiding in ribbons and gluing in more hair. Also, remember butterfly clips? Let’s all just take a gender-wide facepalm on that one, agreed? And while we’re at it, these “spike stud swirls” from Topshop? They might warrant a little self-reflection, too. Color me judgmental or, you know, whatever you want given the anonymity of the interwebz, but I’m just not seeing it. Yet! I’m very thinly spined (near amphibious, really!) and can definitely be swayed. Perhaps a customer review? Or a photo? Or an at-home tutorial? I’m open to suggestions, but I’m also compelled to stand on my soapbox and broadcast that this hair accessory + me is not a love-at-first-sight kinda deal.

I recognize that the ’90s are back with a vengeance, and I fully comprehend that the star hair twist clips Topshop ALSO sells are a toooootal throwback to the plastic gem coils of my mallrat youth. But SPIKES?? That just seems dangerous. And again, I just can’t picture it! With the stars and pearls and flowers and such, they’re all relatively flat, and it’s easy to see how they would add a little something extra to an updo or a braid. A subtle sprinkling of ornamentation with the same appeal and ease of use as stickers! Rendering those bad boys as spikes, however, is where I draw the line and need a little ’splaining.

All I want to know is how one would wear these things. They don’t function as clips, so you can’t really wear them with your hair down. If you coil them into your hair when it’s up, where do you put them? On the side of your head? In a row like a barrette or headband? In a bunch like you’ve just grown a patch of them on your scalp? Or do you twist them into the plait of a braid and let them stick up like you’ve attached a found stegosaurus tail to your dome? Maybe it’s just the 4 o’clock slump that has my brain at grid lock, but help a girl out here. Would YOU wear these hair spikes? And how?

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