Get your favorite crop top out of storage and polish that bejeweled naval ring because it’s about that time to get into the holiday Spear-it, y’all—Britney Spears is getting married! It looks like Britney may have finally found her knight in shining armor (or, at least her Sam Merlotte doppelgänger—that guy is all “True Blood” kinds of foxy. WOOF!) in talent manager Jason Trawick who you’ll remember from that BANANAS “Criminal” video. And while we’ll make wild speculations about what our girl will wear on her big day, ’til then we’re going to take a jaunt down memory lane and revisit Britney Spears’ MOST memorable wedding dress moments. Leggo!
A still from Britney Spears’s “Hold It Against Me” music video.
Photo: Courtesy of Jive Records
The Femme Fatale era kicked off with Britney’s Jonas Åkerlund-directed “Hold It Against Me” video complete with the return of the midriff, a hair whipping frenzy, and a sea of basically naked chiseled male dancers. It also featured a celestial Britney flying in the air in a GINORMOUS wedding dress with dancers (sans eyes) bouncing around underneath her flowing ensemble. We think Team Britney got the “Godney” (what true Stans call Ms. Spears) memo for this heavenly look. That is until Brit Brit reminds us she’s “not that innocent” and begins to spew paint from her fingers turning her wedding dress into a Crayola smeared work of art. Can you imagine the heel you’d have to sport to walk down the aisle in this? MURDER.
BUSTIER, TULLE, MADONNA HOMAGE
Britney Spears at the 2003 MTV Video Music Awards.
Photo: Getty Images
Remember that one time when Britney married Madonna with Xtina at the 2003 VMAs? *DEAD* If not, come on over for a hot cup of cocoa, and we’ll show you our completely normal photo album overflowing with front-page news clippings of the salacious kiss felt ’round the world. (Oh, and we also had cats reenact this entire performance while wearing mini versions of their decked-out “Like A Virgin”-inspired ensembles, NBD.)
SATIN MONIQUE LHUILLIER
Britney and Kevin Federline.
Photo: Splash News
In 2004, and at just 22, Britney tied the knot with back-up dancer Kevin Federline. Well, y’all know how that story ended. :'( The dazzling strapless Monique Lhuillier-clad bride went back to her roots on her special day, and we’re not just talking about her tasseled brunette locks. Only close family and friends were invited to the nondenominational ceremony at a private Studio City estate, and reports said guests munched on chicken wings, ribs and mini-burgers. Yum. That’s our kinda girl.
VIRGINAL FOR POP MAGAZINE
Britney Spears for “POP” magazine.
Photo: Courtesy of Britney Spears’s Twitter
We wouldn’t be mad AT ALL if Brit Brit borrowed this UH-DORABLE look from POP Magazine’s Manga-inspired shoot for her wedding. In 2010, the reigning princess of pop was obvi POP’s cover girl of choice with art direction by Takashi Murakami, and, awww, she looked just like a living doll. We are kind of OBSESSED with those hot pink lips, the princess tiara, the bling, the veil, and those lace gloves. P.S.- This totally rivals Brit’s infamous cuddling-with-a-Teletubby-in-her-undies-on-the-cover-of-Rolling-Stone major OMG moment circa “…Baby, One More Time.” And yes, I will personally fight you if you are so WRONG as to disagree.