Britney Spears 'Criminal,' Look By Look

Whoa, you guys, the Britney Spears "Criminal" video is super intense. So *spoiler alert* basically she's in London dating this grade A D-bag with arguably the MOST grating accent ever and he's a real piece of work and a total fancypants because he takes her to hella fuddy-duddy engagements and then SMACKS HER AROUND, at which point BritBrit's "criminal"/knight in shining armor/IRL boyfriend Jason Trawick stomps on his neck and they go racing into his crime lair where they bone. A lot. Like, to where there do it one time in the shower and you're like "Deedledee, I feel weird since they're forreals dating and blorgh pervatron voyeur feeeeeelings." Then Britney brandishes a gun in the second act to stick up a bodega so OBVI attempt NONE of this at home. *END spoiler alert*

Anyway, Britney looks AWESOME so let's talk clothes, makeup, and hair (< --VERY important).

BESEECHING SMOKY DOE EYE, PALE POUT

Britney Spears Criminal

Britney Spears in her "Criminal" music video.
Photo: Courtesy of Jive

No seriously, let's take a poll: Is there anyone in the world who can switch on PLAINTIVE, WET-EYED INTENSITY like Britney? Ohmahgawg, it's like smudge a little charcoal around the peepers and adorn the limpid pools with false eyelashes, daub a spot of shiny, nude-ish (possibly NARS "orgasm" gloss) on that jillion-dollar pout and you've got yourself a MOMENT. (P.S.: So am I the only person in the world who didn't know that smoky wasn't spelled smokey? OR is it?).

ONE-SHOULDERED PUCCI DRESS, OMBRE EARRINGS

Britney Spears Criminal

Britney Spears in her "Criminal" music video.
Photo: Courtesy of Jive

Just look at the ENNUI. The flawless, mega-tight, high bun. The hint of something interesting and perhaps sinister in the asymmetry of the cocktail dress bodice on this FIERCE Emilio Pucci joint (GET IT PETER DUNDAS). The pristine gold of the earrings darkening at the tips...ZOMG, YOU GUYS, I THINK IT'S FASH FORESHADOWING.

OH HAY GURL, NICE BRA

Britney Spears Criminal

Britney Spears in her "Criminal" music video.
Photo: Courtesy of Jive

Couple of things I like about this shot: a) that he's bringing her coffee and they didn't have to do that super awkward song-and-dance of "uuuuh, how do you like your coffee, do you even DRINK coffee, etc., etc.," because sometimes you just need a scantily clad, ultra ripped dude to hand you chemical stimulant from a beefy paw; b) I REALLY like how her hair looks all tousled and rough and tumble; c) HAHAHA, I love how CLEARLY she was NOT wearing this bra last night because hi, she was wearing that one-shouldered dress, which means homegirl was rolling with some extry skivvies, which, let's face it, WELL PLAYED. *golf clap*

ALL BLACK, SEVERE NARRATOR ENSEMBLE

Britney Spears Criminal

Britney Spears in her "Criminal" music video.
Photo: Courtesy of Jive

This is omniscient narrator Britney's outfit. Ergo it is black. The color of "Yes, people, I know what's going on, ask me anything." What I love about this is what she's chosen to reveal. There are so many points of interest: Yes, she's wearing lace again but it's a mini dress WITH a '90s duster that creates that "mullet" silhouette that we here at MTV Style (especially Chrissy) are obsessed with. We also like that she's wearing a HEAVY shoe. It anchors the look AND gives this GRAVITAS.

LEATHER JACKET, STUDS, BURNOUT TEE, AND A BURNER!

Britney Spears Criminal

Britney Spears in her "Criminal" music video.
Photo: Courtesy of Jive

I know we're supposed to be AGOG that sweet, angel-faced Britney and MOTHER OF TWO is holding a gun, but I'm really distracted by how tight her obliques are in this shot. Sick. Her four-row studded belt definitely means business, and of course the burnout graphic tee and leather jacket means that this reverse-Pygmalion transformation is complete. The caterpillar has emerged a CRIMINAL.

RUN! YES, EVEN IF YOU'RE WEARING LEATHER SHORTS!

Britney Spears Criminal

Britney Spears in her "Criminal" music video.
Photo: Courtesy of Jive

See, Britney's dedication to style is SO on front street. Despite knowing that she would have to haul ass out of the crime scene, she chose to wear not only a leather jacket but matchy poo leather shorts. RESPECT, GIRL. Don't let those British bobbies boss you around in their two-tone (weirdly ska-looking) uniforms. Spree and fleeeeeee.

+ WATCH THE BRITNEY SPEARS' 'CRIMINAL' MUSIC VIDEO BELOW!!!

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