Jenni “JWOWW” Farley makes an appearance at GNC store on March 21, 2011, in Miami Beach, Florida.
Photo: John Parra/WireImage
If there’s one person in the Jersey Shore house who should be dishing out “guido” (her words, not ours) style advice for dudes—it’s definitely Ms. JWOWW. She’s hella choosy when it comes to picking a smushing partner, so her guido style standards MUST be incredibly high. Lucky for you, she’s made a guide for all the guido wannabes, which includes everything from styling your hair to finding that perfect pair of jeans. Disclaimer: Following these rules may result in being smothered by tons of meatballs—and we don’t mean the food.
JWOWW’S GUIDE TO GUIDO STYLE
2.) Pick an acceptable haircut. You can wear your hair in a variety of ways: A blowout, a fauxhawk, short and spiked, or buzzed into a sleek fade all work, but regardless of what ’do you choose, you MUST spend a lot of time on it.
3.) Get a tattoo. According to JWOWW’s statistics, 99.9 percent of guidos have tattoos. YOU CAN’T BE IN THAT .1 PERCENT.
4.) Get LOTS of tattoos. JWOWW prefers dudes who have entire sleeves and their back done because “It’s like smushing a work of art.” #deep
5.) Get piercings. Ears, nose, tongue, even below the belt (gasp) are all acceptable forms of piercings. Do NOT pierce your lower lip. Especially with tons of dangly things.
6.) Work out A LOT. Basically, you need to get washboard abs and biceps “bigger than JWOWW’s head.” When you have achieved this, wear your muscles like a trophy.
7.) Tan A LOT. JWOWW says, “If you’re pale, you fail.” (Ouch.) It doesn’t matter how you do it, but you need to rock a golden glow to get properly smushed.
8.) Buy jeans by Seven or True Religion. The upscale denim needs to emphasize two things: the butt cheeks and the package.
9.) Buy cut-off sleeve shirts or “wifebeaters.” Make sure they are very clean and, of course, fresh to death. Clothes need to be crisp with not a wrinkle in them.
10.) Buy chain or cross necklaces. JWOWW says lots of guidos “adorn their perfect pecs with glittering crosses” which is similar to “decking out a Christmas tree.”