Nicki Minaj’s Outfit Could Be Cute. Stay With Me Here.

Musician Nicki Minaj attends the 2011 American Music Awards Press Conference on Oct. 11, 2011, in Los Angeles.
Photo: Getty Images

Look it, we’re massive Nicki Minaj fans. Obviously. She gives kick-ass energy and mondo bananz ensembles with wackadoo makeup and hair. Nothing about that kind of moxie that is not to be admired. Real talk. BUT the threat in veering so near fantasyland and flying too close to the sun is that not every adventuretime risk will pay off. Case in point: Nicki at the AMA press thing last night. Um. Whut? But mostly why?

Sure, sure, the internet is having a grand ol’ time bazooka-ing Nicki in the face for what is, make no mistake, a WHOLE LOTTA LOOK, but we think that the outfit could be saved with just a wee bit of rejiggering. Kinda like how those genius scientists, The Fug Girls, deconstruct fashion in their “Unfug It Up” franchise that rules. First of all, she needs a shirt.

Yo, if I had twos like Ms. Minaj, the temptation to air out the areolae would be great. HEAVING even. But if I also had twins like that AND an itsy-bitsy waist and a shelf derriere you could spiral slice a Christmas ham on AND serve it on tiny chive and cheddar biscuits spread out on a lazy Susan, I would probably want to accentuate the slalom that is my goddess body by keeping it simple. This SHOULD HAVE been a sleeveless skintight onesie with a scoop neck in the same print. Then, if you HAVE TO match your shoes with your hair, even though your hair is a color insulting to nature, then a suede, round toed, 6-inch platform with a covered heel would be the move.

Then, whatever that green shrug is. Douse it liberally with turpentine and kill it with fire. Seriously, I love an accent shrug. I love a TEXTURED, accent shrug, but for the love of arms, this should have been a different color. It could have still been MUY candy raver-ish and fun. And made of 100 percent authentic, grass-fed Kawaii monster undercarriage fur or whatever, because I honestly ADORE the silhouette (it’s all very Mariachi band in a mid-range Mexi resto where they grill their own poblanos) but all of this together with the voluminous skirt is too distracting for a gorgeous, fascinating lady like our girl here.

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