Shia LaBeouf’s slow and steady beard growth.
Photo: Getty Images
So we were just perusing through Getty Images all la-dee-da, and then we came across a SUPPOSED image of Shia LaBeouf, aka the man in the bottom right corner of the above photo. And we were all, “WUT. WHERE DID SHIA GO? WHO STOLE SHIA’S IDENTITY?” because Mr. LaBeouf looked barely identifiable when he attended a screening in L.A. this weekend. First of all, his head is covered in RINGLETS. Like, there are curls cascading down his face—on Shia LaBeouf’s face, nonetheless. And he has a beard! Not like, a nicely trimmed fashion beard, but burly man beard! Straight out of woodshop! WHERE DID THIS COME FROM? Last time we saw Shia he was makin’ us all sweaty in his Details spread with his hair slicked back and his man muscles out in all their glistening glory. *fans self with hand* But even back then he was still sporting a mini beard. Where did this facial fiasco begin? And how has Shia kept us from noticing this huge transformation? Because, to be honest, we’re kind of stalkery—especially when it comes to Shia. Let’s investigate.
SHIA STUBBLE STAGE 1: NONEXISTENT: Back in September 2010 (top left), Shia was his ’ol clean-shaven self, just the way we remember him. He looks youthful, polished, and chic. THIS is what you want your boyfriend to look like when he’s about to meet your parents. He’s basically cheek-pinch-worthy, grade A adorable.
SHIA STUBBLE STAGE 2: FIVE O’CLOCK SHADOW: In June of this year (top right), Mr. LaBeouf sported some subtle stubble and HOLY COW look at that smize. He’s smoldering hot and he KNOWS it, gosh darn it. Still loving his slicked-back ’do and tame eyebrows. DATE US, PLEASE.
SHIA STUBBLE STAGE 3: GNARLY NECK BEARD: Then in July (bottom left), he grew a neck beard and became a badass overnight. There’s something about this scraggly beard that screams nonconformity and motorcycle-riding bad boy, which is kind of hot. We’ll hop aboard this Shia train.
SHIA STUBBLE STAGE 4: FULL-ON WOODSMAN: Today (bottom right), he looks like an English professor who paints landscapes in his free time and is super intellectual. We’re ALL about Smarty McSmartypants boys, but we’re severely sadface about his untamed eyebrows and disappearing jawline. If it were up to us, we’d permanently keep Shia in his stage 2 phase. He’s smoldering, sexy, and FULL of stubble. Mmmm.