Andrew Garfield’s ‘Spider-Man’ Suit Is Crazy Attractive

Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield in “The Amazing Spider-Man.”
Photo: Courtesy of “Entertainment Weekly”/Frank Ockenfels 3

We all know that beneath the red and blue Spider-Man bodysuit is a nerdy, lonely boy from Queens with a penchant for fighting crime, scaling buildings, and unrequited love, but can we just…go back to that skintight suit part? Yeah. We like that part. We REALLLLLLLLLLLY like that part, especially on the newest Peter Parker to join the infamous Spider-Man franchise—Mr. Andrew Garfield. Even though The Amazing Spider-Man won’t hit theaters until next year, Entertainment Weekly released some sneak peeks of our favorite movie web slinger COMPLETELY decked out in his arachnid gear. And GULP. It’s tight.

We’re going to be honest here. We know the FOCAL POINT of the outfit is the shiny, leggy logo on his back and how the new suit looks less lycra than cool polyamide chain mail made of nimble little particles that wick moisture and perform fluidly but, um, we’re not looking at that. We’re looking much lower. Yeah…RIGHT THERE. We’re talking just south of the coccyx. FINE, WE’LL JUST SAY IT. ANDREW HAS A NICE BUTT. WE KNOW YOU WERE LOOKING TOO. But what lies beneath that suit? WHEWWW BOY. We don’t know if you can handle it.

Andrew Garfield on the July 22, 2011, issue of “Entertainment Weekly” and in “The Amazing Spider-Man.”
Photo: Courtesy of “Entertainment Weekly”/Jaimie Trueblood

Here’s a tip, ladies. When guys are hurt, it’s an excuse for them to take off their shirt. If you EVER see a hot dude in a time of need, just be like, “OMG, ARE YOU OK? LET ME HELP YOU!” and then you can quickly de-robe him and lightly tap his wounds with a only sooorta sterile cloth that doesn’t ACTUALLY do anything but it’s a reason for you to look “caring” when really you’re just sizing up his incredible pec muscles. Obvi, Emma Stone is super-duper smart and is already doing that, and for that, we applaud her. It’s the least we can do since it looks like a pain in the ass to get a dude out of a suit and seated like that when he’s injured. We’ll just be right here, sinking back into our office chairs to watch and finish this iced muffin we were eating. OK, FINE it’s a cupcake. Just don’t mind us…. Carry on.