Lady Gaga Has A Hat Beard

Lady Gaga with a hat beard in Sydney, Australia, on July 14, 2011.
Photo: Getty Images

Some days, working for an internationally renowned fashion blog with cutting edge news on all your favorite celebrities (which is what I tell my mother) is a tumultuous, energy-depleting job. Other days, the news just writes itself and you are but a mere conduit in the information cycle. And in those moments I sit back and ask you to turn your attention to Lady Gaga’s hat beard. God bless you, internet.

We’ve seen all matter of gonzo styling but the black-and-white chapeau, in which a peekaboo window is cut to where she looks like she’s sporting millinery facial hair, is simply baffling. Is it meant to be a protective device? A helmet protecting her from prying eyes? Why is punctured so small as to strain a monster’s neck? And most important, is her cyborg-esque stance to keep it from sadly slouching over, or is it entirely unrelated? Also, GOOD GOD please explain this to me, but is Gagaloo wearing a latex palazzo catsuit? We can’t see yoooooou properly. At this rate even if the artist hired an army of look-alike decoys like an assassination-attempt-fearing despot we wouldn’t even know. I’d definitely ask for time and half if I was put on payroll to suffer this uncomfortable contraption though. For sure.

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