New Bratz Dolls' Outfits More Intense Than Ever

Masquerade by Bratz dolls.
Photo: Courtesy of MGA Entertainment

So the big news over the last 24 hours in Toyland is that the eyebrow-raising Bratz fashion dolls are making a comeback after a long legal battle. Maybe I've just become so jaded by adulthood and far-removed from the ceiling-high pink-lined wonderland that is the girls' aisle of the toy department that I'm totally out of touch, but did anyone know that they left? I could have SWORN I was still seeing entirely too much of these cat-eyed temptresses. But I digress. Word is that the Bratz are back in a big way and are reportedly "even more edgy" according to Isaac Larian, the CEO of MGA Entertainment (the toy conglomerate that manufactures the dolls). WHOA. Even MORE edgy??

Aren't these things "edgy" because they're controversial? And aren't they controversial because parents and the American Psychological Association are up in arms about how overtly sexualized the dolls are in a way that might negatively affect children? I sincerely hope this doesn't mean these new "edgier" Bratz are falling any further down that rabbit hole because the current dolls are baffling enough.

Just look at these costumes. These girls are supposed to be going to a masquerade ball. You expect full-skirted floor-length gowns with stately elbow-length gloves and some sort of crinoline situation. But no. This looks more like a "before" picture from the hallway of a state college dormitory on Halloween night. Else, a page from the Leg Avenue catalog. I mean, if these were real humans, my brain wouldn't be able to process all the gallons of estrogen coursing through every vein, artery, and capillary to produce eyes and lips that gigantic. Every time I look at these dolls I see sparkly Gia-era Angelina Jolie. Also those coy fish from Fantasia. And then that time that Angelina WAS a fish in Shark Tale.

{via ONTD}